i’m going to give up for now…
I keep dating guys thinking that I have a small window of time to do so. I’m not dying! My niece is away at a special school for kids like her, raised with really fucked up family situations (in her case: a dying mother, violently angry and emotionally abusive father)… but I wasn’t sure how long my niece would be gone and now that it is looking more permanent than temporary–I don’t feel in a rush to settle down. Does that make sense?
When my niece was living at home, I spent all my time (when not working or working out) being at home taking care of her and trying to keep the household together. Depressed sister, bipolar chain smoking 16 year old who would sometimes come home stoned and sometimes show up to school. Her homeless boyfriend would be over all the time and once we caught them having sex.
Fuck, those were terrible days. months.
I cycled through exboyfriends so I wouldn’t go absolutely crazy without sex, but it wasn’t enough. I started to want affection. One of the exes was good for that, but it wasn’t fair to him and I wanted more than an open relationship with affection and sex. So, I started dating.
Guys at the gym, Facebook friends, Twitter, Clubs, Parties… uurgh. I was open to the possibility of meeting/dating a guy from all sorts of places. But since I thought I had limited time to date before my old family responsibilities would creep back. I thought, this guy is great, let’s speed it up a bit, in case Drea gets out early!
Not a good way to treat relationships. I also dated a LOT of guys in a short amount of time–never really developing any of them. Dropping them after one date after harsh scrutiny. This one doesn’t like DC, this one likes his mom too much, this one asks strange questions, this one doesn’t eat meat… hahaha
After full-contact, speed dating with at least 20-30 guys in the span of 90 days (no joke— I dated 5 guys in one day in April) I’m THROUGH! for now 
I am retiring all my heels that are over 3 inches tall. I’m not putting on makeup unless for work related functions. I’m not going to mess around with ex boyfriends. I don’t even want to go out again.
I had this phase before: GYM DEBBIE! She goes twice a day, she works out 
during lunch, she’s lifting heavier weights, she’s dragging/sneaking friends to the gym. She’s running 5ks and 8ks (I wish!) maybe she’s going back to Yoga and Pilates? She’s taking care of her sister’s bills, focusing on herself, helping her friends, reading more tarot cards, spending less time putting herself in the path of assholes! and overall being more responsible.
I have a cancer rising, it’s time to go back in my shell and take care of my wounds. 
