Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

"If I were your sister, I would do anything in my power to save your life"

My so-called best friend left me a note along with a "12 Steps from Alcoholics Anonymous"  book  on my kitchen counter while I was away at the gym.

Sounds like I need an intervention, right?

If you know ANYTHING about me, you know that I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t do drugs. I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in the last 2 years, 5 months, and 27 days… spoken like a true recovering alchy!

But seriously–I’ve stopped drinking ever since someone slipped a roofie in my drink during my sister Jennifer’s wedding and I ended up in deep shit (old readers and friends: remember THAT blog, the morning after?) Watch 28 days and you’ll see me on the screen as the main character.

How can someone who is my BEST FRIEND think I have a drinking problem? I have spent most of my after work hours and weekends with (when I’m not canoodling with Max) I go to clubs, bars and restaurants with her and NEVER so much as hint at wanting a drink.

Here’s what happened in the hours leading up to her hilariously-off-kilter note:

Bri used to see me virtually daily. She came over last Saturday morning because I offered to cook her brunch. I woke up feeling groggy (overslept) and in a bad mood, so she tells mem  that something is wrong and asked if I had been drinking the night before.

Oh, hell-to-the-no!

So we hang out during the day after brunch and it’s uncomfortable. My unease from oversleeping and overworking of the week caused her to misinterpret my behavior and react with quiet, awkward behavior of her own. At one point she tells me that she’s especially psychic today–because it’s her period–and that she knows something is going on more deeply inside of me. She then says that I need substance abuse counselling. Then we both got silent (because I found her assertion really off-base and shocking for someone who I thought knew me better than that) This day spiralled into us ignoring eachother until we departed from Dupont Metro (I headed to gym and she went to Whole Food in the opposite direction.)

I went to the gym, spent some time with my old friend Chris (aka Spinach Dip) and came home to dsicover the treat on my kitchen counter.

It’s like waking up to find a lover sleeping next to you who has no idea who you are. It was the weirdest thing.

I asked for my comforter back (that we used when I helped her take my TV to her apartment–I had an extra one that I offered to her) and she left it in my condo with her spare key and security card.

I am sad to have lost a friend, but apparently, it was someone who I was superficially attached to–someone who really REALLY didn’t know me. In spite the fact that SHE LIVED WITH ME FOR FIVE MONTHS! Isn’t that craziness?

I’m in a funny place when it comes to abortion rights, feminism and Roe v. Wade. Right now I haven’t done ANY kind of political activism in a long time. it feels like FOREVER since I sat outside in a high-traffic place with a clipboard and a need to collect signatures. Haven’t been to a MoveOn house party in ages, nor have I even heard of any going on. The most I’ve done is watch Sicko, but I could barely stomach the first two minutes of it.

Now it’s the Anniversary of Roe vs. Wade and I barely have ANYTHING to say on the subject. Okay, it’s been under attack.  But I honestly thought that with the nomination of the young, conservative John Roberts for the Supreme Court, for the HEAD of the Supreme Court, no less, that we would see the overturning of Roe vs Wade. Well of course that didn’t happen because that would have been political suicide, HOWEVER the Supreme Court judges have lifetime appointments so they couldn’t give a fuck about their popularity. Look at Clarence Thomas… he doesn’t give a flying arse about ANYBODY. He just sits on that court and has NOT ONCE asked a question in a court case. Not even Gore v. Bush.

Anyway, it’s the 35th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade.  Although I haven’t done anything activist or political on it, I HAVE exercised my right to an abortion. Not MY right, but I did help someone make the decision by being there with her and sitting for 5 hours in the planned parenthood on 16th and K. I also subsidized her drugs post-abortion.

She’s a mid-30s, working professional woman, and she needed an abortion like she DIDN’T need a child.

In sum, I am now a part of the overwhelming population that DOESN’T take action on abortion rights, and DOESN’T live/sleep/eat reproductive rights news/politics, BUT I’m also a part of the public that DOESN’T take this right for granted.

Now that I am no longer working at the feminist majority, I find it strange to live below the figurative reproductive rights beltway, but now I see how this issue can be far removed from a person’s life until they need it.

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It’s only Monday, but I already have my sights on the weekend. Why?

Because my dueling banjo-blogger of a friend, Farmer, is coming to town! The last time he was in DC (and I was also in DC) we partied like nobody’s business and had some crazy times with weird, lame and interesting people around the city. We partied on a school night and still had fun (this city is lame!)

Plan A: Farmer is too tired to dally in the dell (he’ll be driving from North Carolina)
——————————————————————————
Saturday afternoon:
——————————————————————————

1. Movies in Theater (Arlington Cinema and Draft house) or @ home on DVD
2. Sleep

Sun AM:

1. Dim Sum
2. Gym
3. Farmer jumps on horse and herds his cattle to greener pastures

——————————————————————————
Plan B: Farmer has enough energy to use his ho (just kidding!)
——————————————————————————
Saturday afternoon:

1. National Cathedral, Basilica, and other of my favorite DC touristy locales
2. Food somewhere in city
3. Party in Dupont with the homos
    
4. Sleep

Sun AM:

1. Dim Sum
2. Gym
3. Farmer gets on tractor and leaves

I guess the difference is partying or watching a movie!

I have
already broken many of my New Year’s resolutions and we’re only on day five of
2008. Still, the time is good for resolutions–many of my bffs (gay bf Aris and
a certain B-diva) are moving to the West Coast, my home is FINALLY free of
roommates, and I recently downgraded Max from romantic interest to
"friends with benefits" to finally JUST friends!

That
said, I’m poised to start fresh–tabula rasa! My new year’s resolutions, in no
order of importance:

 1. text less! my carpel tunnel is killing
me, so texting less will help.

 2. learn to enjoy being alone! no more
wasting time dating guys. I need to take a break. For at least the greater part
of the year. I’m takin’ my jcuriousity and removing my Jdate profile. for now,
booty calls or nuthin!

 3. Be more consistent with the gym. Once I
recover from this dreadful cold, I will be back to the gym with a vengeance.

 4. Finish all condo home improvement
projects: kitchen, floors, etc.,

 5. Spend less! Good God, do I really need
any more shoes?

 6. Join an improv group and FINALLY get into
comedy. I’m so lazy. If only it were "sit down" and not "stand
up."

That’s a
reasonable list right? By choosing NOT to date, I will have more time for the
gym and condo improvement projects.