the aftermath
What do you do to heal and start life anew when you break up?
Drink hardcore?
Work hardcore?
Party hardcore?
Do anything hardcore to get your mind off of things?
Not me! I dwell in it!
I’ve been looking at old pictures, emails, text messages, IMs, wondering where things went wrong. What I might have done differently.
Oh, how I love to cry over spilt milk!
The beat goes on, life is strange with this piece of my life that has changed. What do you do when some one who had so much meaning in your life is completely gone?
I have gone into deep-thought mode and withdrawal from society! I’ve been spending most of my time with my dog Carmie (which is a good thing) and have tried as hard as I can to make it to the gym every day (it’s turning out to be at least every other day.)
What’s weird is that I don’t feel single. I keep referring to my ex as my boyfriend! I haven’t gotten used to the concept of being alone yet (does that make me a loser?)
I also spy on his myspace page from time to time (okay, nearly daily!) to see how he’s handling it and to see if he’s just as lost as I am (he seems fine?! hard to tel.l)
More than anything I’m kind a bored. My boyfriend was 100% of my social time, so let’s just say that I have a lot more time on my hand… 
I haven’t had a hard time doing fun and social things, but I"m sad to have lost a great best friend. Who will come and dance with me to Moby when Buzz returns to Fur? Who even knows what that means? Who would have freaked out that ComicCon was at Baltimore last weekend? Who would have wanted to catch the tail end of the 80s film fest at AFI? Who would have wanted to trek around with me at the Meridian haunted house?
For now, it’s just me!
the beat goes on!
September 13th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
i exactly know what you feel and what you are going through right now for i also experienced the same thing… I am also heartbroken and I was tormented when he left me.. Just dwell on and savor the pain. Its what I’m doing right now.. but I am also trying hard to move on..
September 14th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
it’s ok to feel that way…it’s ok to go through your old pictures, read his past emails, IMs and what-have-yous…i do the same thing myself…i re-read all his love letters and his written wedding vows… i look at his pictures over and over again until i feel much better…i hug his pillow at night……i play back his voice recording on my answering machine…
you see, i lost my husband just this may…massive heart attack…we haven’t seen each other for four years…it’s all phone conversations and emails…our garden wedding was supposed to be this december…but there’s no more wedding that’s gonna happen anymore because he’s never coming back…however, i’m looking forward to that time and day when i’ll get to see him again…
i feel you…and your pain…i still cry each night…longing for his phone calls…missing his voice…craving for his hugs and kisses…he was also my very best friend…my lover…my soul mate…we’ve been friends for 25 years…a quarter of a century…
if it’s of any consolation…you’re not alone…a lot of us are also hurting…just hang in there…a lot of people still care about you…especially your Creator…
take heart…be blessed…
September 15th, 2007 at 7:31 am
Debbie,
I went through what you went through..Its ok to feel that way for a while.. But, don’t dwell on it.. There is a better life out there..
I know that one day, when the “pity party” is over , you will look back and laugh about it, because you will find someone BETTER!
September 15th, 2007 at 7:52 am
yah moving on is a process..
nobody said that it would be that hard.
October 11th, 2007 at 12:48 am
hello, reading your blog about breaking up is like reliving my pain all over again:) went through the same pain, the same feeling of being lost… but then again, life goes on, i begin to realize that the relationship maybe over but my life is not.:) Not easy i know but looking at you, ur inteligent, seems well off( a $200 dollar pair of shoes is considered big bucks for me.thats a whole month salary for some of us here:) so far u r luckier than others.:)Good luck to you.:)
October 11th, 2007 at 1:52 am
hahahahahahahaha =D
October 11th, 2007 at 6:06 am
such a lonely song and it made me want to cry along. you see, I lost him 12 years ago but until now it still hurts. the pain just wont go away.