Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

Every year my new year’s sucks. Last year was a debacle with a straight girl, a gay guy and me (who was at the time rebounding off a bad relationship and purposefully asexual and uninterested) vying for the night’s agenda.

We’re in New York, it’s 10pm. We’re still in my friend’s apartment (who is out of town or else we would have a clue as to what to do). So did I mention we’re in our friend’s apartment in New York CITY at 10pm on New Year’s in the upper east side? How the FUCK were we going to get anywhere in time for a good party? and where would we go?

What do you want to do?   -me
I don’t care as long as I get to kiss a straight boy! -Roz (straight girl)
I don’t care as long as I’m in a gay bar and get to go home with someone. -paul
I just want to see a good dj and Jr. Sanchez is playing at earth!  -me

NO   -Roz and Paul, because it was $75 a pop

we head off to Times Square like IDIOTS. who’s idea was that? you had to be there at noon to get a good spot.

We get there on some side street, I sneak us into 2 layers of the 3 intense, post-9-11 layers of security on charm and fast-wit, but the third, last layer wasn’t happening for me to finagle me and 2 others in.

We head to a gay bar to roz’s chagrin. We all had a horrible time. I could go into more detail but all three of us spend more money than we expected, spent at least an hour indecisively talking about what we’re going to do and then not doing it, and head home completely unsatisfied. Paul goes home with someone but his night is not fun (as he recounted the morning after). Roz and I head home and some guy hits on us as we walk out of a late night pizza shop. I’m too cold to notice so Roz follows my hastening footsteps and scolds me at the apt for not seeing them (instead of screaming at me to stop.) I foil her last attempt at some hetero-kiss that she sought in the new year’s.

While that was last year’s new years, that’s a mild example of a bad new years.
The year before, Paul and I swore not to drink and then after the midnight count-down drank a bottle of champagne each (how did they find their way into his apartment) and then we drank until 7am and I was dancing in the streets to Outkast’s Hey Ya ringtone on my cell phone like an idiot. Was that the year before last?

Why am I talking about all of this in such detail?

I don’t know if I’m conveying how bad my new year’s sucked, but I hope to end this streak this year. It’s 2006. It was a pretty bad year overall. My dear sister Susan died, another sister had family drama and I had to adopt my neice for 3 of the most trying and stressful months of my life (they were fun, but I took on far too much for a singleton) I had started the year kicking a bad boyfriend to the curb, messing around with some choice losers in the begining of it, dealing with my sister’s unexpected and very swift cancer… dating someone who was very indecisive about his feelings for me and then adopting a 14 year old girl and relocating to the suburbs within a week of knowing that I would have her. and then spending the ENTIRE MONTH OF DECEMBER SICK and literally TIRED.

For FUCK’s SAKE!

I’m through with 2006!!! I am spending time in Austin with a wonderful person and hopefully having a very peaceful and uneventful new year’s in doors.

After spending  nearly 3 weeks sick, in pajamas and mostly indoors,
in bed, I think I have discovered the meaning of life. Well at least my
life anyways!  I would describe the meaning of life in greater detail
but it’s going to sound SO cheesy and some people will think I am quite
dumb for what I think is the meaning of life. Especially since I have
not fully developed my theory.

Okay, basically here are some elements of the meaning of life:

** life = the pursuit of happiness

** happiness is the feeling I have right at this moment

** I can’t find my happiness in doing things for other people, but if they are happy as a result then that is a good thing.

** most of the stress in my life is in my head

** nothing I own and nothing I can purchase can give me any substantial or lasting happiness

** a lot of the things I thought made me happy are fabrications which perpetuate capitalism

** so much of the things I have in my life are just noise,
pollutants and distractions that have clouded my vision of what real
happiness is

there’s more, but I feel goofy writing this, so I will only divulge in person!

this blog is not a result of an acid trip either! and don’t worry, I still believe in soap and will not become an all out hippy.

Dear Santa,
I have been mostly good. I would like one or more of the following:

1) world peace
2) whirled peas
3) get rid of my credit card debt
4) lower my interest on my mortgages
5) the latest, most expensive Ipod in pink
6) a pink glow worm
7) perfume, esp CK escape, Chanel Chance, Dior Addict II
end world hunger
9) shoes, esp black boots
10) a fancy coffee maker, I missed a good woot.com special that was 3/4 price off a cuisenart, but it was refurb, so who knows
11) a digital camera, I guess
12)
happiness and good health for my sister Alex, my mom, her family, and
her dogs. and maybe for the rest of my family too! hehehe
13) ambition to achieve more in life
14) a million bucks
15) a swift end and resolution to the chaos in Iraq
16) a raise at work
17) not to be sick
18) some nice jewelry, maybe just a gift certificate to somewhere
19) a facial!
20) mani/pedi
21) okay this list has just turned into my to-do’s for 2007…

I shall end here!
But what I really want is:  1, 8, 12,  14,  15, and 17

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t have a drug problem. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t have wild nights out. I have a normal job and I enjoy what I do. My family life is a mess, but whose isn’t? I don’t brag about how hard I partied the night before and I don’t regret what I did either.

I value life and I seek to enjoy every second of it. I am happy spending my Christmas with my mom, sister’s kids, dogs and family life (even though the smell of poop is emanating in the air because Carmelita took a dump on her puppy pad.)

I’m still not sure what I seek in life, but I know that my aspirations are to become more than I am currently and that part of the process of reaching  my aspirations is to explore them.

Things are relatively sane and so very different from year’s past.

I had drama, drama and more DRAMA. Booze, boys and more booze. I remember thinking how great life was because I couldn’t remember it and how fun I was because I had great stories from partying. Money drained out of me like a keg from a frat party. Life is so transparant now that I am looking through my own set of lenses and not through beer goggles.

God, I sound so old.

I don’t have a drug problem. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t have wild nights out. I have a normal job and I enjoy what I do. My family life is a mess, but whose isn’t? I don’t brag about how hard I partied the night before and I don’t regret what I did either.

I value life and I seek to enjoy every second of it. I am happy spending my Christmas with my mom, sister’s kids, dogs and family life (even though the smell of poop is emanating in the air because Carmelita took a dump on her puppy pad.)

I’m still not sure what I seek in life, but I know that my aspirations are to become more than I am currently and that part of the process of reaching  my aspirations is to explore them.

Things are relatively sane and so very different from year’s past.

I had drama, drama and more DRAMA. Booze, boys and more booze. I remember thinking how great life was because I couldn’t remember it and how fun I was because I had great stories from partying. Money drained out of me like a keg from a frat party. Life is so transparant now that I am looking through my own set of lenses and not through beer goggles.

God, I sound so old.

I’m in Texas. Stardate: 12-20-2006 8:37 Central. Okay, that was awful. I’m in such a weird mood.

Things are getting better with my health. My cough still sucks but the rest of me feels better–my body doesn’t ache (save my chest, throat and lungs), but I feel much MUCH better than before.

Things are getting more stable financially. I found someone to take my lease from the Silver Spring pad and he moved in on Tuesday so I’m done with it! He also paid the rest of the month and the deposit, so I got 800 bucks back from the place. DC subleter waived the remainder of the rent (11 days or 400 bucks) so that she can leave some of her stuff in my place until she returns on the 11th. Thanks to Wendy, Roz and Paul–I moved everything out and have stuff in storage to deal with upon my return to DC.

Life is getting better! I have a lot of residual work after missing the last week because of this cold/flu/plague, but I honestly couldn’t leave the bed/pajamas for the duration. I left only to finish off the last transactions with the apartment in Silver Spring. What a relief that was to finish it off.

Can I finally relax? Even my sister seems better and my neice Carlena, who has some challenges in her mood and social interactions seems a million times more at peace and more able to function. No tantrums, no screaming fits, no incorrigible behavior.

Can I relax? Can I? I’m still standing on guard just in case life throws anything else. I hope I can sleep in tomorrow… aaaaah!!!!!!!!

So Wendy had a dinner party tonight in honor of Chanuhkaahhahhaakkaha. We lit the men’s-ora, chanted or attempted to, and then ate like pigs. Well, like kosher pigs. Lambs? And stuff.

Mid-lottkeys (I know I’m spelling it incorrectly for added affect, don’t blame me I enjoyed Borat a little too much) okay, so mid-meal, and in a pensive, rare-silent moment (induced by a premature dose of codeine), alright, I’ll get to the point!

Okay, so mid-meal I realize that I’m sitting around a table with a bunch of straightees. Breeders. Adams and Eves. I was outnumbered. There was even a baby in the mix. One party-goer actually popped out the tit to feed aforementioned baby. Not only did I have fun with the breeders, but I was still entertaining. All this time I had pidgenholed my comedy to gays and feminists only, but perhaps I can be funny to a broader audience.

oh, that’s not the point. I feel like I had a breakthrough moment. I didn’t feel a weird pressure to act a certain way among the straightees. I felt free to act like myself. Perhaps that was the codeine acting as a courage-in-a-brown-plastic-bottle or something, but I was myself! I can be myself among many a crowd, but among straights, especially the men-folk, I find it hard to be myself. I can’t pop-psychologically analyze it right now, too tired, it IS 3am and I’m sick and tired and spent an entire day at work.

So why is it that I’m up at 3am? Could it be that I’ve watched too many episodes of Dexter and I’m afraid? Could it be that I’m semi-stressed about unstable life and uncertain financial situation. Should I have waited on the Codeine? Am I simply unable to go to bed because I would be sleepless laying down, as a toss and turn from one coughing spasm to the next?

Fuck it! Whatever it is, I am miserable! The freak in me is considering watching another episode of Dexter and getting myself all scared again.

All of me wishes I had a sympathetic, fun and cuddly to snuggle up to and to help me make better medicine decisions while I’m all in a codeined up haze. And also to run and get my orange juice from 7-11 in the middle of the night. Oh and to give me a back massage and relax my back from the pain of sleeping for many hours straight.

Oh God. Have I become Bridgette Jones? Albeit a non-smoking, non-drinking, non-awkward, way-more-wittier, doppleganger? I’m going to cry now.

Here are the facts:

• I own a place in DC.
• I adopted my sister’s daughter Drea in September on a  temp to perm basis, it was all uncertain at the time.
• I moved to Silver Spring to give my neice a better education.
• I had to find a subleter for DC condo and then find a place in Silver Spring within a week of inheriting aforementioned neice.
• I found a place in desperation that was cheap, centrally located, within a good school district.
• Drea left and I had to break a lease.

Here are the financial ramifications:

• Subleter of condo leaves Jan 1.
• I need to find someone to take over my lease.
• If I don’t find someone, I have to pay 1300 dollar fee and can’t move out until Jan 26th, so I pay double rent for month of January.
• I owe my subleter 1000 bucks for deposit.

Worst case scenario: 1185 for January rent of silver spring place, plus 1000 dollars deposit, plus 1300 dollar fee for breaking lease.
TOTAL: $3385!!!!!!!!!!!!

best case scenario: I find someone to take over lease in the next week. I leave for Texas on Dec 20th. I need to have them fill out application, get approved, then I notarize/sign and then they notarize sign agreement to take over lease. Then they move in and pay me 300 bucks for deposit and rent for Dec 20th-Jan 1 (since I already paid for it)

likely scenario: I pay big time.

I also took 1000 dollars out of my pay check this year pre-tax to save money on medical expenses and I don’t have enough bills racked up so now I have to find some way of making up the difference by Dec 31st. I may end up stocking up on emergency contraception, which is 45 bucks a pop. hmmm.. 1,000 dollars worth of Emergency contraception is  22 packs. Maybe I can start an underground clinic?

Oh well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Oh and to add insult to injury I have 2 people looking at my place in 20 minutes and I just obliterated a bag of popcorn in my microwave–black ooze all over the place… and the entire place, no, the entire building smells like charcoal…

So I’m alone. Drea and Carmelita and Brian are gone. I had a whirlwind of every kind of interaction last weekend: family with Drea, friends who came out to see her off, romance/action with Brian… and then nothing. Poof! Work resumed, working out resumed, hanging with friends resumed, but something’s different. I still feel as though I have Drea with me. I’m unable to branch out. I know I can stay up late and party, but I would rather not. I know I could sleep in, but I can’t. I know I could work out for hours on end, but the most I can squeeze out is 2 hours one night, all the other times I’m only there for an hour or so.

Perhaps I’ve run myself ragged with activity these last couple of months and I’m over-due for a break. Every muscle is sore, every brain neuron burnt, any opportunity for fun fleeting.

There is something I failed to mention. I packed and moved everything out of my place on Friday night and all day Saturday. I’m also coming down with something.

Every time I work on something with all diligence and effort, focusing on a major campaign or timeline, really pushing myself to my phsyical and mental limits… every time I go to extremes in my life I always crash and burn. I get sick! My body is shutting down now.

I’ve spent a lot of my free time with Wendy, if not all of it these days and it’s been a great, relaxing time. I feel that I need to flex my newfound, re-born, urban/city-dwelling/life styel. I haven’t picked up a Wash City Paper in ages, haven’t even looked up good events in the area… and I don’t feel like it!

I am going to stay indoors until I meet up with co-workers Andrew and Diane and others to watch Bobby at the Uptown later today…

Now for a nap! (I know–the life I lead)

*ps* I am SOOO randy now. If I can say that I’m apparently numb and apathetic to most things in life, I must asy that there’s a certain part of me that is fully awake–awake like a fully caffeinated Brain (reverse the vowels  and you will see the source of my randiness.)

Drea called to tell me about her first day of school. She actually called when she landed, called when she was at dinner, called before she went to sleep, called when she woke up and then called after school.

So back to her first day of school. I said before that her town is so small that probably more people live in my building than probably her town. That might be a stretch, but I DO know that I have more friends on friendster than kids in her new middle school. That said, all the kids looked at her on her first day like she was some exotic animal.

They asked her about her boots, poked at her clothes, virtually pulled on her hair, in wonder at the beauty and uniqueness they saw in her. "she wears a sweater and no jacket!" she told me they said. "Aren’t you cold?" they pondered to her, and she laughed because it was only 43 degrees and that wasn’t nothin’ compared to what she had experienced in DC.

"Auntie Debbie! Two boys asked me out to the school dance on Friday" she exclaimed on the phone, all the while I asked if they were hot. I forgot to ask her about any gay boyfriends she could accessorize with… JUST KIDDING kids.

Anyway, perhaps her time in Silver Spring allowed her to fully appreciate the intimacy of a small-town and perhaps it gave her the strength to see her own beauty and uniqueness, giving her a way to feel stronger and more able to tackle a new school. If she had gone with her dad immediately, perhaps the transition might have been harder. Who knows.

I love that kid.