one day at a time…
Raising a 14 year old is harder than quitting drinking. Well, maybe not, but it sure feels difficult. I have one of the best kids in the world and it is still hard. Homework seems to be the thing that we fight the most about. I try to help her but she gets really frustrated.
It used to be that whenever my ex-boy friend Chris came over, we would fight over little things. I’m pretty sure it was because she felt like second fiddle to him. She doesn’t like being left out and wants to feel included and when you have a boyfriend, you want your alone time (wink!) Boy oh boy did we fight when Chris came over. It would often feel like she wanted to punish me after he left–she was particularly sensitive to things.
Then Chris and I broke up and she would get sensitive over her friends being around. She would accuse me of enjoying the company of whoever the friend is more than her company, that I loved her friend and not her. It’s kinda crazy, but she’s almost like a jealous boyfriend sometimes.
Once, when we thought she would be going back to Texas, she cried that she always wanted to be an only child. I know that it makes her feel special to have one person take care of her and not share attention with 2 other sisters. It’s getting to be too much for me though. I’m either stressed out, unhappy or tired. I need my space. We’ve been together for 2 months and the first month of it was sucked up with her knee injury, brace and crutches and all. I’m hoping that with time, we can find friends we trust and give her time of her own and give me time of my own. My only respite is the hour I spend at the gym and time at work–which I love. I need to relax.
October 31st, 2006 at 7:33 am
Wow…you skipped over the stage where you could pay a baby sitter for a night off. You’re straight into the teenage years. Welcome to hell.
However, it sounds like you really love your surrogate daughter, and I admire you sticking with it. From what other parents have told me, the teenage years can be the roughest, but also some of the most rewarding. I hope you guys can figure out your space issues.
November 1st, 2006 at 5:29 am
You know, I don’t think Drea’s jealousy and anxiety about your love for other people comes from having two sisters. I think it comes from living with all the issues she has had to deal with, and having to be so responsible for adult matters. She’s basically telling you she wants not only to be a child but to be a baby or a very young child–someone who can realistically expect ALL of your attention all of the time. And I think that you can find ways to work with her on this, just by repeating that you love her, and acting on that love. Eventually, she will realize that she is allowed to be a kid, but that you also have a right to live your life and take care of your own responsibilities and your own happiness. Hopefully Drea will be secure enough in the future to go after her own happiness, too.
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:02 am
Good Luck, Babe!