Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

Happy Halloween! Guess who/what I am!

Can you guess who I am?

Raising a 14 year old is harder than quitting drinking. Well, maybe not, but it sure feels difficult. I have one of the best kids in the world and it is still hard. Homework seems to be the thing that we fight the most about. I try to help her but she gets really frustrated.

It used to be that whenever my ex-boy friend Chris came over, we would fight over little things. I’m pretty sure it was because she felt like second fiddle to him. She doesn’t like being left out and wants to feel included and when you have a boyfriend, you want your alone time (wink!) Boy oh boy did we fight when Chris came over. It would often feel like she wanted to punish me after he left–she was particularly sensitive to things.

Then Chris and I broke up and she would get sensitive over her friends being around. She would accuse me of enjoying the company of whoever the friend is more than her company, that I loved her friend and not her. It’s kinda crazy, but she’s almost like a jealous boyfriend sometimes.

Once, when we thought she would be going back to Texas, she cried that she always wanted to be an only child. I know that it makes her feel special to have one person take care of her and not share attention with 2 other sisters. It’s getting to be too much for me though. I’m either stressed out, unhappy or tired. I need my space. We’ve been together for 2 months and the first month of it was sucked up with her knee injury, brace and crutches and all. I’m hoping that with time, we can find friends we trust and give her time of her own and give me time of my own. My only respite is the hour I spend at the gym and time at work–which I love. I need to relax.

I’m blogging from Dallas Fort Worth Airport and bored out of my skull. I’ve only been waiting for an hour, but I have another hour to wait for my flight because of a delay (something about winds of 50 mph in Detroit, my connection.) So here I sit, eating a salad from Taco Bell Express and having nothing really on my mind to talk about.

I spent the first 24 hours without Aundrea this weekend. I last saw her on Friday morning waving bah-bye at the bus stop and I won’t see her until Sunday–eeks, that’s 48 hours, actually. I’ve been with her since Sep 5th, an interesting date given that my sister Susan passed away on the 5th of April and this day of the month does not pass without me thinking of her, and now, thinking of my life with Aundrea. So November 5th will mark 2 months of newfound motherhood to a 14 year old…

In the begining, I thought that Aundrea was going to want more independence and I feared that she would hate me constantly up in her business having her in my sight at all time, but

I’m going to Dallas this weekend for work. yippee. Drea is staying with my friend Roz the night. This means that I miss all of the exciting Halloween parties. Oh well. My last Halloween was spent with an awkward boyfriend who was over-conversative save his penchant for pot. This boy was blazin every time I saw him.  He and I had a purely physical relationship. We had nothing in common except for the fact that we could talk about politics and that we were totally physically attracted to each other. We would fight like cats and dogs but making up was incredible. I tell you, there is something to be said about pheromones and the power of physical attraction. We both held on to our relationship as long as we could continue to get good bootie. Wooooeeeeh. Oh yeah, we both like cats.

Last Halloween sucked with this boyfriend and this year with me in Dallas will be no different. With all the running of errands, picking up from school, helping with homework, dropping off and  missing buses, waking up early and constant doctor’s appointments and trekking to ERs… I haven’t had a chance to even consider THINKING about a Halloween costume, let alone going out and putting the pieces together. But who cares about this holiday–I mean, I seriously have bigger fish to fry. or bigger kids to raise? or bigger hell to raise?

so back to last Halloween… I remember thinking that this guy wasn’t going to work out for a whole host of reasons but the physical made it all to convenient to pay no attention. It is so clear when you’re dating someone wrong for you that you should just break it off, but the second you see them and you start kissing… all of it goes out the window for the fun of the moment. Fast forward to my most recent relationship with this other guy who had a whole host of issues that I won’t go into. It was clear to me that it wasn’t going to work but I would throw it out the window and focus on all the good things about him. I haven’t spoken with him in 3 weeks and I’m quite happy about it. I realize that there is a world out there and that I’ll find someone when the timing is right (this is definitely not a good time to be a lookin for love!) I shouldn’t have criteria for a good boyfriend, but I’ll lay down some nice perks:

• an interest in politics
• liberal
• fun
• enjoys electronic music, esp daft punk
• not on a constant buzz from alcohol, pot, or other controlled substance
• appreciation of calm times and ability to be flexible in chaos
• good with kids (just thought I would throw that in but I am by no stretch of the imagination planning on ever having kids. ever. kaput.)
• smart, which does not necessarily mean well-educated
• fast typist–that’s just because my main mode of communication currently appears to be IM or text
• technophile (another for fun)
• open minded
• philosophical
• gives good massages

Of course my last boyfriend was incredible and didn’t have all of the above traits (but was an expert at the last one *sigh*), so it’s not a litmus test or whatever for future bfs. Just a fun wish-list. I did date someone in college who had all of the above traits but he was a total prick, so you never know!

Yesterday would have been my sister Susan’s 40th birthday. I always get my bro Ralph’s b-day mixed up with it, his is on the 10th. All day long on the 10th I was upset and trying to see/hear signs of Susan, but my sister Alex cleared up that *yesterday* was in fact her birthday.

I spent the day making amends with an old boy I broke it off with after being his dance partner for YEARS–Gianni. Gianni is my only Catholic friend and he took Drea and me to the national basilica for a chorale mass–it was beautiful.

I think I could get back into being a catholic if it weren’t for the damned politics. Mass always teaches lessons, but on too many occasions, the priests like to include subtle and not-so-subtle political advice in their sermons. Yesterday’s mass proved a-political save a mention of the "sanctity of life" in the "lord hear our prayer" piece. Of course we all respect life in one way or another, but "sanctity of life" is definitely code for unborn clumps of cells developing in the womb of a fully born and developed MOTHER!

Back to Susan. I miss her. I miss her a lot. I have so many regrets about not seeing her the year that I was blamed for stealing christmas toys they had allegedly intended to give to my other sister’s family. It was a total mix-up that prevented me from seeing her and her kids for the entire year that I lived in Los Angeles. I swear if I knew what the following years would bring, I would have forced my way back into her life and spent more time getting to know her and her kids.

Coulda-woulda-shoulda.

I can only try to spend more time with them now and value the time and life we have right now. The sanctity of life is not just in the determination of where life begins but taking full advantage of the life you have now. THat said, I’m glad that I’m doing all that i can to live life fully, including respecting my body, respecting my mind, giving all that I can to my family and friends, and loving the earth. When did I become a hippie?

I need someone to help me out this weekend with two things:

1) anyone want to teach me how to parallel park and get over residual fears of driving. oh, and I might buy a car so I’ll need a boy to accompany me so that I won’t be taken advantage of! And knowledge of cars is a plus because I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I’m getting into!

2) I need to take a break from motherhood. I need to have a day off. Just so I can get a facial, massage, mani-pedi, and go to the gym. Who wants to babysit????????????????????????????????????

Okay. Anyone if one of the above can apply to you, hit me up here on IM or on the phone!

Thanks as always,
Debbie

So I’m not sure if I’m going to get a car from my coworker, but the idea of getting a car is now firmly planted in my head. In addition, I saw the dentist and she says that I need to get my gums fixed in a major way because I have periodontitist. It’s going to cost 1500 bucks and that is AFTER insurance covers it. Life, she is expensive!

Drea is off of crutches and is looking healthier. We haven’t seen a doctor in at least a week. She saw a new counsellor today and this woman was just so very sweet and supportive. Drea liked her a lot and we’ll see her each monday.

What else? We’re throwing a pizza party for her new friends on Friday. I bought an ice cream maker on WOOT and we’re going to make ice cream with her friends, eat pizza, paint our nails and watch a movie. I just got 16 candles on netflix, so maybe that one. Oh, and because there were a couple of boys who wanted to come but who are banned from the slumber party part, they will pre-party with us at our rec center and play pool and watch TV. Should be a very fun night.

I’m sooooo tired. In an effort to save money, I have been cooking every meal. Man does it take all of my energy to cook for two. I’ve been trying to be healthy so it takes even longer to wash all the damned vegetables. I swear, it is so much easier to just go out to eat and have someone else do all the dishes and serve up non-stop diet cokes.

My heart goes out to all single parents in a city–especially the ones who ride the bus!!!!!!!!!!

I have no time to write, so I’m just going to include a chronological summary of events with corresponding pictures!

Drea and I throw a pizza party to celebrate her 14th birthday for 25 of our closest friends. The gay to straight ratio is alarming balanced! She cleans up on the presents, getting at least 75 bucks worth of itunes certificates, pedicure set, makeup, ultimate frisbee and how-to DVD, punk rock jewelry, and even a best-of Ramones punk rock CD! Sweet. Oh yeah, and a mondo bag load of skittles!!!

Drea bakes a turtles themed cake (she loves animals) and there’s a blue ocean and brown-sugar and cinnamon beach with chocolate turtle candies on top, all lined with skittles!

Later that night Drea and I hang @ the Black Cat, a great venue and all ages hang-out in DC.

Slumber party after the Black Cat. Andrew, Drea and I crash at Wendy’s Palace of Wonders! We go to a delish brunch the next day and Drea and I cruise the circle. This time, we don’t people watch and I don’t fraternize with the local homos, but Drea chases after dogs (as well as one with a knee injury can chase). She loves animals, esp. dogs.

Drea and I have shennanigans on the metro to watch our very first Nationals Game (vs. Braves).

It’s also our first major league game. It was fun!

Drea told me she wanted Shake and Bake chicken so in that third picture, you can see I was trying to get me some chick’n.

Drea and I cat sit @ Roz’s place. Kitten-la is freaky and this picture really captures her crazed possessed spirit. I love kitten-la though. Drea and I later hang out with Filip and she starts to get knee pain. poor drey drey.

Drea and I get into our first big fight. She likes to run and hide when she gets angry at me. This time, she finds a metal box that we use for a coffee table and proceeds to scootch along the floor with her upper body in it. If she could bend her knee she would have put her entire body in it. I have a great video of her scootching along the floor. It was hilarious, but boy was she pissed.

Andrew saves the day and drives Drea and me to the ER where we finally get the MRI that we were ordered to get some 3 weeks prior but were denied because of insurance issues. We stay up at the ER until 1am because Drea gets her blood drawn, an x-ray, ultrasound and a closed MRI on her knee that took 45 minutes. She was so incredibly brave that I let her sleep in. Unfortunately, I was at work at 9am!

Drea, co-worker/friend Diane, and I go out to dinner, hang out at the teeny-bopper magnet astro-turf lawn in downtown Silver Spring. That place is fun! We watch 15 year old boys eat concrete as they fall from their skateboards and long for the day that we can do the same. When Drea’s leg heals! It seems like Drea and I have finally found a rythm and balance to living together. I no longer spoil her and I tell her what to do when she needs the push. She no longer looks to be babied ALL the time and allows me to get groceries and leave her at home when I need to. She still doesn’t let me make out with boys. hehehhehe

We’re going to get picked up by Andrew from work and go see his turtles and hang for a bit! Then we’ll go read our books somewhere outdoors where she can elevate her foot. Then we have to take it easy. She really wants to go see my friend Steve’s band play at the Black Cat and we even have a place to crash (thanks Wendy for the open invite to the Palace of Wonders) but I want her to keep it easy on her foot……………..