the gift… flushed
I can’t believe it! I just can’t believe it. Imagine if you put a lot of time and effort coming up with what you think is a great, fantastic birthday present for someone you’re getting close with. Imagine if you had to come up with this gift weeks before her or his birthday because you had a family trip planned during this person’s birthday. So you give the gift early and they respond by telling you
that this is nice, and to hold onto it because they’ll lose it. They make you hold both the card and the present. Well, I had to sublet my apartment and go to Texas and then move to Silver Spring, MD. I was in such a flux, such transition that I could barely hold onto my wallet let alone someone’s birthday present. I was slightly saddened by the fact that he couldn’t even hold onto the card, but now…
I bought Chris tickets to the Virgin Music Festival which is currently taking place as I blog this. I didn’t have a lot of money at the time (and didn’t anticipate this new-found motherhood either), but I had enough to get him these tickets to go see Tiesto, Carl Cox, and other great DJ’s. We had freaked out about the festival when the lineup was announced, we both like electronica and dance music, and we hadn’t actually gone clubbig or been to a performance of any kind together, so I thought this would be a great present.
I just spoke with him today and found out that he lost them. He quickly mentioned that he had lost them and then started talking about something else like it was no big whoop. It wasn’t even a big deal. To me, it’s a big deal. It’s like you gave someone a present and they turn around and flush it down the toilet or whoops! "it’s somewhere laying around my room." He had weeks to find it or even attempt to find it.
I know that he has a habit of misplacing things. It seemed as though every time I spoke with him on the phone, he was always looking for something–a check that he needed to give to his mom, his cell phone, his car keys, his shoes, or whatever–but he would find these things if pressed to look and he would try if it was important.
We were supposed to go to this musis festival together and with Aundrea and our break-up this did not happen, but he still could have gone. It might have felt weird to go with someone else when we had planned to go, but shit man, sell them on craigslist, give them away to a friend. The fact that it was not a big deal means that he did not care for this present or he just really didn’t care for me.
To add insult to injury, I hate waste. I hate thinking that I spent well over 200 dollars on a present that is lining his bedroom floor or car interior. I hate thinking that the gift I gave him meant shit and that it didn’t give him any benefit or good feelings. He was happy for the 3 seconds after I gave it to him and that was it, basically. Imagine if you gave someone a chance of having fun ALL DAY long, or something really great.
Now I’m at a point in my life when every fucking dollar counts. When I’ve spent over a hundred bucks on cab fare alone when drea was too injured to take a bus to her medical appointments or when we missed the school bus and drea could barely walk on the crutches to the next bus stop… and I just got a phone bill for 175 bucks because I made a TON of calls during daytime hours when I worked from home so Drea wouldn’t be left alone when she was too sick or in too much pain to go to my work after school.
I’m hurt on so many levels.
September 23rd, 2006 at 2:33 pm
am I being a big baby? I know he didn’t mean any harm… but i’m still upset.
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:58 pm
How could somebody trust someone who has a habit of misplacing things? LOL
When he said, he is uncomfortable with his attachment to you…what was he really getting at besides breaking up with you for the 2nd time around?
MAYBE, he is deliberately making himself less reliable cos he wanted to move on but that makes it harder than it seems cos you appear to be always around… not even this newly found motherhood keeps you from staying in touch with him… there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing things that matter except that you two are no longer an item
PERHAPS, cutting off your ties with him will put things in order? It’ll hurt in the first few weeks, but you’ll get by. But this is just my honest opinion on the topic.
I dunno what the other guys out there will have to say abt this.
September 23rd, 2006 at 8:04 pm
hy debbie!
September 24th, 2006 at 5:36 am
Lee–the truth hurts! I really need to cut him off. ARGH!
September 24th, 2006 at 5:46 am
hi there!!!
its ok ill buy u another
ticket!!!
lol!!!
mwuah!!!
September 24th, 2006 at 7:55 am
I wish there was something I could say or do to make this better. (Luzy is beside me saying, Tell Auntie Debbie I miss her and I love her! And Drea too! ) If things with Drea is too much, please don’t hesitate to send her home. I understand. And I miss her so much I want her home. Luzy asks if she can go over after christmas. Her turn. ROFL. Anyways. Hugs and Kisses from your favorite Sis. and Mom of Drea
Alex ^i^
September 24th, 2006 at 9:36 am
Debbie,
I truly feel your anger and frustration. I learned a long time ago that I had limited time, resources and energy. To go through all that effort and have it go to waste is indeed insulting. I suggest you spend your time, resources and energy on someone who will truly appreciate and reciprocate them. Cut off all ties to the bastard. Best wishes,
Allen
September 24th, 2006 at 9:42 am
Okay I don’t even know you but wtf thats rude. So as an outsider it’s easy he’s an ass possibly but reality is he doesn’t like you enough well as much as a guys supposed to or actually even close. Wow you deserve so much better;regardless, if a guy likes you allot it doesn’t matter what you give him trust me and if he really liked the gift and he said he lost it ummm okay he’s probably taking someone else. Sorry to be blunt but there is no time to waste on bullshit.
September 24th, 2006 at 1:06 pm
hey girl Debbie is right!!!!!!!!!….move on there is always something better in life……really there is……….!!!!!!!!!!1
September 24th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
So it turns out that he looked for them and when he couldn’t find them figured they were in his car (which was in the shop because we were in a hit-and-run rear end (not a fun kind!)…
but he got the car on the Friday before the festival and they weren’t there when he looked.
but whatever. we had a nasty exchange of text messges and it’s really not meant to be… ARGH!
I’m definitely going to need a rebounder! for shiz…
September 24th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
such a pretty post
September 25th, 2006 at 6:47 am
The clincher for me is that he didn’t even keep the CARD! I mean, who does that?! This guy sounds a bit flaky, but flakiness does not excuse rudeness to someone you supposedly care about.
I agree with the earlier post that perhaps he is trying to act like an ass on purpose to make it easier to break up. I think most people in our society believe that you can’t care about someone once you’ve broken up. I think the logic is something like, “If we really cared about each other, we’d still be together.” That is not always true, but it’s hard to transition into friendship after something sexual or romantic has taken place between two people. It’s not impossible, though.
But maybe this guy IS making it impossible for you to be friends with him and, if so, it’s his loss!
September 25th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Hmmm…one word…”ouch”. I’m sure he didn’t mean it personally though. God only knows I’ve been an unintentional jackass more than once…
September 26th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
You have all the right to be upset. I think you have learned a great lesson and they don’t come easy, free or even cheap. May be these days we are into too much of spending money to buy gifts. If there is a respect and thought that should come out from a hand made gift or something less expensive. I think we are talking about several things here but it’s important to know the relationship level and then act accordingly.
September 26th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Hey there, I know I have no idea who you are but the title attracted me to your entry. Men (and maybe I’m being sexist) are really good at losing things. And they’re really good at hurting our feelings intentionally and un-intentionally. Even though he may have not acknowledged your gift, it was sweet and he’s just being a terd. Fu(k him. ^^ You deserve better.
September 26th, 2006 at 11:51 pm
I feel your pain and frustration. I really do. Now, I don’t know you or Chris so I won’t go off calling him names or putting him down. But from the point of view of someone who LOVES to try thier best to make the people around them happy, I almost felt a tear welling up when I read this post. Just recently I ended a so-called short-lived relationship with someone because no matter what I did or how much energy I put into doing nice things for them she always seemed to just shrug them off. Sure, maybe there’s a good explaination for his losing them, but it’s the reaction and the lack of any real concern that’s truly disconcerting. I know I would have felt absolutely horrible if I had lost a gift like that, and I would have gone out and bought another pair myself to try and just begin to make up for it. And yes, you’re right, not even wanting to keep the card was pretty huge. All I can say is be thankful for the love and care you give to others, even when it doesn’t always come back to you. Don’t ignore your feelings of being hurt, but do know you still come out on top as the better person. I have no idea why I clicked on your blog link today at random, but I think I’ll be returning to read more
September 27th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
hi
April 12th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
fuck theUpstairs……….
fuck luv……….
fuck anakgaul………….
April 12th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
ruck
April 12th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
……………………………………………………………………………………………..
April 12th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
im tired in my world…
i want saw!!!
April 12th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
bisa di log out doooooonggg rese bgt nieeeeehhhhhh……..
April 13th, 2007 at 12:47 am
heelo.. hehehe.. just droping by to say hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 13th, 2007 at 1:29 am
nothing to comment