Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

So today I told a group of women sitting at the front desk about Aundrea. One of them, who after only a few interactions, already discovered how sweet, precious and wonderful Aundrea is, nearly cried when I told her that Drea would have to go back to her grandma’s. She then made an amazingly generous offer: her car! She said that since her house closed, she was going to get a new car and she could give me her old car for nothing! Can you believe that?

I’m not sure if I will take it, but I’m thinking I will because parking is free at home and at work. I would have to register it, get insurance, and polish up on my driving and parking skills (which I have none, but I DO have a license).

Driving for me is a huge mental issue because I scratched my sister’s car driving recklessly and I was too cocky. I had to pay her 500 dollar deductible to fix the side of the car that I scraped (I turned to sharply and scraped the side of her work building in the process!!!)

Anyway, for Drea I would do just about anything save lose my job! How could I raise her on unemployment? I wish I could figure something out, but her needs are greater than this single mom can accomodate. I’ll learn to drive in the meantime and try to make it easier for her in the interim.

I couldn’t be a single mom with Drea. She had too many medical needs and I just couldn’t do it with a demanding job and no outside help (aka no family like a grandma to pick her up from school while I was at work, no family network, no spouse, etc.,)

I got word from my work that it was beginning to interfere with my job. I knew it was too.

You see, Drea had issues with her knee, side affects with meds, and a whole host of medical issues. We had seen a multitude of docs, involving 3 trips to the ER, 2 trips to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon, a second opinion with another pediatrician, a visit for labs to rule out lyme disease!, and visits to 3 different hospitals! With military insurance causing major delays and issues (no MRI for 4 weeks?!?!?!) her knee being in such a delicate situation, and my house being up 1 and a half flights of steps (she has accidents and falls on the stairs with her crutches too frequently and one time it might be VERY damaging)… well, I’m crushed. if I could have cared for her, we would have been so good together and I coudl have done so much for her.

I can’t believe it! I just can’t believe it. Imagine if you put a lot of time and effort coming up with what you  think is  a great, fantastic birthday present for someone you’re getting close with. Imagine if you had to come up with this gift weeks before her or his birthday because you had a family trip planned during this person’s birthday. So you give the gift early and they respond by telling you
that this is nice, and to hold onto it because they’ll lose it. They make you hold both the card and the present. Well, I had to sublet my apartment and go to Texas and then move to Silver Spring, MD. I was in such a flux, such transition that I could barely hold onto my wallet let alone someone’s birthday present. I was slightly saddened by the fact that he couldn’t even hold onto the card, but now…

I bought Chris tickets to the Virgin Music Festival which is currently taking place as I blog this. I didn’t have a lot of money at the time (and didn’t anticipate this new-found motherhood either), but I had enough to get him these tickets to go see Tiesto, Carl Cox, and other great DJ’s. We had freaked out about the festival when the lineup was announced, we both like electronica and dance music, and we hadn’t actually gone clubbig or been to a performance of any kind together, so I thought this would be a great present.

I just spoke with him today and found out that he lost them. He quickly mentioned that he had lost them and then started talking about something else like it was no big whoop. It wasn’t even a big deal. To me, it’s a big deal. It’s like you gave someone a present and they turn around and flush it down the toilet or whoops! "it’s somewhere laying around my room." He had weeks to find it or even attempt to find it.

I know that he has a habit of misplacing things. It seemed as though every time I spoke with him on the phone, he was always looking for something–a check that he needed to give to his mom, his cell phone, his car keys, his shoes, or whatever–but he would find these things if pressed to look and he would try if it was important.

We were supposed to go to this musis festival together and with Aundrea and our break-up this did not happen, but he still could have gone.  It might have felt weird to go with someone else when we had planned to go, but shit man, sell them on craigslist, give them away to a friend. The fact that it was not a big deal means that he did not care for this present or he just really  didn’t care for me.

To add insult to injury, I hate waste. I hate thinking that I spent well over 200 dollars on a present that is lining his bedroom floor or car interior. I hate thinking that the gift I gave him meant shit and that it didn’t give him any benefit or good feelings. He was happy for the 3 seconds after I gave it to him and that was it, basically. Imagine if you gave someone a chance of having fun ALL DAY long, or something really great.

Now I’m at a point in my life when every fucking dollar counts. When I’ve spent over a hundred bucks on cab fare alone when drea was too injured to take a bus to her medical appointments or when we missed the school bus and drea could barely walk on the crutches to the next bus stop… and I just got a phone bill for 175 bucks because I made a TON of calls during daytime hours when I worked from home so Drea wouldn’t be left alone when she was too sick or in too much pain to go to my work after school.

I’m hurt on so many levels.

I’m officially, unequivocally, completely broken up. I will not talk, text, IM, email, or see boy. I hope this blog will help me draw a deeper line in the sand than I have before, since I’ve seen and spoken with aforementioned boy practically every day since i got back from Texas.

I’m so sad! This sucks! I need a vacation…

Motherhood. It’s not all fun and games! You have to make sacrifices, obviously, but there were some things I realized that I took for granted as a single girl in the city. I don’t have to give these things up entirely because my mom-thing is a short term gig, but for now I’m going to have to say goodbye to certain things:

1. running around the house naked
2. staying up and sleeping in on week nights
3. that last point segueways into having an irregular schedule. sleeping and eating, I can’t just live however I want to, I have to keep things stable and she has a school schedule that is not as flexible as work.
4. gay clubbing (no big whoop, haven’t done that in a while and there are several great venues that are all ages, ie: Black Cat, 9:30 club, some concerts)
5. spending money here and there on random things that I want and not need (perfume, accessories, etc.,)
6. recreational smoking
7. groceries and the food I keep around the house. I could lose weight if there wasn’t bad food around the house to tempt me, but now there’s pizza, skittles, ice cream, and random crap. When I’m busy (which is always) I usually can get away with snarfing down a cliff bar when I feel hunger pangs or simply ignore them.
8. working overtime and getting all of my work done
9. dating, messing around with members of the opposing gender, im’ing
10. WORKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That last one has been particularly rough and was the trigger for this blog. I haven’t worked out in 3-4 weeks–it’s been so long I can’t remember :(((((( It is really affecting my mood and energy level. I feel so bad for Drea too because she could work out with me if her leg wasn’t jacked up. It’s swollen and can’t bend and we saw three docs (the first in the ER!) about it. It might be Lyme disease or a busted up ligament… i hope it’s lyme because 2 weeks of antibiotics and it’s done. If it’s muscle damage then she will have a hard time walking and pain for a while.

I shouldn’t complain about what I’m giving up. Here’s what Aundrea is giving up:

1. her friends
2. all of her family
3. her familiar setting of Cuero Texas and her school where she knew everyone and all was familiar
4. a regular schedule. I make her come to my work after school and we don’t get home until 6 or 7.
5. a bed and furniture–we don’t have any! ahahhaha yet.

Here’s what we both get from being together:

1. a best friend forever!
2. never being alone
3. a partner in crime for fun in the city
4. a new perspective on life
5. Aundrea gives me energy and inspiration, I give her homework help!
6. adventu res in DC sightseeing
7. a regular schedule, asleep by 10am awake by 6am
8. a home in the burbs!
9. never ending love and affection!

I love this job! I can’t complain.

Drea and I have so much in common. We are both punk, into juggling, are also totally cool, smart, cute, boy-crazy, and have weak constitutions. No no, we are not "strict constructionists" and we aren’t 3rd world countries, easily susceptible to coups (how corny was that? did you get it? that strict constructionists didn’t really make sense, but I wanted to make fun of Bush). What I mean to say is that we are both as healthy as 80 year old hemophiliacs–um, if they lived that long. Yikes. That’s a bit grim. Okay… I’ll explain.

I get sick often. Sometimes allergies, sometimes I run myself ragged taking on more than I should, and often in the past from over-drinking and really lack of respect on the temple that is my body.

Aundrea is really sick right now because she has either a strained ligament or lime disease. We got the blood work done (thanks again, to Chris for his never ending support in so many ways, including a ride to the lab.) We had gone to the ER on Sunday night (the night before her first day of school) and then the tuesday she had off because it was a school holiday (Maryland primaries!) so that day I took her to a pediatric orthopedic specialist on the ER docs recommendation, assuming it was a torn ligament. The specialist said Lyme disease after an x-ray but no MRI. I had to get a second opinion, especially after the following day when Aundrea’s body temperature went from 95 degrees (hypothermia) to 101 degrees! The second opinion came from the only doc who took her insurance who had time to see her as a walk in, and she was great. She said probably lyme disease and really checked out Aundrea. We switched meds (3rd prescription in 3 days!) and she seems to be alright.

Who knew kids took so much work? hahahah She is an amazing kid, smart, mature, friendly, responsible, clever, bright, polite, talented, patient, strong, courageous, giving, and very very loving. All of my friends and coworkers who have met her have really gotten a great impression of her–even the ones who don’t like kids! And you know who you are, Bacon’s mom!

I couldn’t have asked for a better child to take care of. She hasn’t ever complained about the long bus rides, the growing cold, the fact that we sleep on the floor right now, and the fact that I drag her to my work after school. She makes everything fun and entertains herself. What a great kid!

Dyed my hair black and got glasses so I could look all adult and mom like. However, some bitch called me a milf and one coworker enjoys referring to me as mom.

Wow. Being a single mom, living in the burbs without a car, getting 100 bucks a month in support from the father, working in a time-intensive job (I usually work 50-70 hours/week)…

gotta finish this blog later. Forgot to give Drea her meds this morning and she’s in so much pain at school that I have to head over there to give her her meds.

What a week! It actually hasn’t even been a full week since Drea and I touched down to DC, but here’s a non-chronological breakdown of events:

• 3 legs of flights from Austin to BWI airport. We stopped at Houston Hobby AND Jackson Mississippi before hitting BWI
• 2 nights at Wendy’s house, which included one fabulous late night dinner at Ben’s Chili Bowl and one delicious house welcoming dinner of home-made chicken teriyaki by the ever-talented chef Wendy.
• 30 dollars for the cab to Rockville, home of the Montgomery County School System. we had no idea that it was so far from the metro and we took the wrong metro anyway because I based it off of the bus I would need to take to get there (bad idea!)
• 3 times on the Q2 Bus from Silver Spring to Rockville, home of the Montgomery County School System AND Pepco and Comcast (two places I attempted to get utility bills when services was barely connected)
• 10,000 miles of bureacratic red tape that Montgomery County Public schools attempted to throw at us
• 10 calls and finally, 1 trip to Takoma Park middle school which resulted in an immediate enrollment, sans Montgomery County hoops to jump through!
• 2 late nights and many hours with several good friends spent moving boxes and finally leaving DC for Silver Spring (THANKS to Shannon, Roz, a drunken friend passing by jim-darhling!!! and especially friend Chris, who drove us around when we grew too sick and tired of the Q2!)
• 10 heart attacks that I had on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday, trying to get a doctor’s letter signed from my sister’s pulmonary hypertension doctor who was out of the country. without this letter, the Montgomery County School System could not process Aundrea’s enrollment

Here’s the chronological:

Tuesday night: arrive, Wendy cooks delish dinner, stay up late talking. Drea meets cupcake who we chatted with the night before on IM from Texas!

Weds AM: Appointment with Montgomery County Schools at 9:30am. Took a cab to get there on time, if not early. Realized that we needed 3 forms to complete the application and once completed, then a review process would commence taking 2-3 business days AND THEN, we would get a letter and get permission to meet with Takoma Park middle school!!! I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The three things needed: lease copy signed, utility bill and doctor’s letter stating my sister is too sick to take care of her three kids! Drea and I spent 3 hours waiting around our apartment leasing office for the woman to return from lunch (she was gone from 11:20-2:20!!!!!!!!!) while we waited, I called Comcast and Pepco whose customer service reps told me that they don’t produce paper work for me to prove my residency until 3-4 weeks (pepco) for the bill, and 3-4 business days for the work order to install the cable (comcast). Well, for me to add 3-4 business days with comcast and then 2-3 days for the application w./ the school district would have Drea starting school end of September! I WAS DOUBLY FREAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday–was asked to come into work today. Realized later that it was because my boss had a family emergency and had to leave to the west coast and Thursday would be our only day of overlap. It was good for me to be @ work, but had a breakthrough with a utility company so I had to leave at lunch to go BACK to Rockville to get a letter written up to prove residency for Montgomery County. Chris drove us to Rockville and we had pizza afterwards.

Friday–still no letter from Dr. Frost, no answers from the office and finally they told me that all the nurses were @ conferences or on vacation and the doc was overseas. That morning, I called the middle school and finally asked the right questions and spoke to the right person. At 2:30pm I was told to come in immediately to enroll Aundrea for school! I came in at 3pm and she was enrolled by 4:30. Drea was so scared when one of the counselors spoke to her about how big the school was that she cried a little. After the counselor left, Drea got REALLY sick and nearly threw up, she was so stressed! We went home, power napped and…

—–

GW Bush once tried to use the expression: fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me!

Here’s another dumb expression: once bitten twice shy. I’ve been dumped by the same guy twice! I guess it’s twice bitten, once not so shy! did that make any sense?

I should be upset about this, and I am. I am a little sad. However… after spending 10 days in Texas with family, viewing, firsthand the self-destructive behaviour of my sister, the stress of an aging mother, the mental breakdown of my nieces, and the family meltdown resulting in aforementioned nieces being sent in various directions in across the country, I must say that getting dumped by Chris (for a second time) doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.

I guess since I haven’t seen him in a while, the geographical distance and time/space removed from our intense physical and emotional closeness makes it easier to digest.

It also helped to have seen it coming. I saw it coming  last night when I received a text message that read: "… I’m uncomfortable with my attachment to you." Well, I’m glad to know that being attached to me is so cumbersome. I also saw it coming because he hadn’t called me all day.

Well, I also think it was easier to deal with because his reason for breaking up is totally legit. I can understand where he’s coming from and he needs to get his shit in order. It’s really all good. I don’t think we can be friends though because it would be a slippery slope as it was before when we wanted to be just friends. And then friends that messed around. And then friends with benefits… soooo… that said…

*sigh*

I will be a single mom and no more "Uncle Chris" which was what Aundrea REALLY wanted to call him. ha!

Here’s the only pic I got with us together (a bad one of both of us, but whatevs).

Good bye my sweets!!!!! It was fun and wonderful while it lasted.

2 days before I go back to DC and move into my place in Silver Spring. yikes! I’m sick. My niece, Aundrea, aka "angela" was sick first and still is illin’. My sister is @ work and I"m too tired to think. We have to pack, do laundry, other things, I don’t even know what else.

My legs ache and I haven’t worked out since I swam @ the pool in Austin when I first got in.

This has NOT been a vacation. In the begining, I had fun touring Austin, swimming and lounging in the jacuzzi (we even convinced my MOM to get in with a bathing suit!) Also in the begining we went to the beach and swam and enjoyed ourselves. However, I could sense a cold or something creeping up. Coupled with discovering new and sad dvelopments in my sister’s life, I have had constant anxiety dreams (one horrible one of my teeth falling out.)

I can’t wrap my head around it my sister’s probs and it appears to be more complicated to easily or swiftly (as in the 4 months I have Aundrea) to resolve. Therapy, intervention, something is really needed here. Her daughter Carlena is just TOO much and my sister is bull-headed in taking her meds daily. Even her youngest 10 year old daughter must fight and strong-arm her to take her med @ night! Does my sister want to die? Seems like it. For someone who is so "pro-life," she sure does diminish the value of her own.

My mom reads Danielle Steel and cleans around the house to keep busy and happy. I sleep all day and eat rubbish. Aundrea watches TV and Luzy spends all her time playing video games on the computer. We barely talk to each other all day! What a family!