Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

When you die, have you ever thought about what your legacy will be? Who will be affected by your departure to the other side?  I’ve been thinking a lot about Susan, her children, her husband and all of my brothers and sisters. Her funeral was supposed to signal closure but not a day goes by without me thinking about her and missing her dearly.

I bet she didn’t know how many people loved her, miss her now, cry for her still. According to her husband Richard, her children will occasionally see her and scream her name in excitement. Her funeral was beautiful. My other sister Jennifer made a collage of photos with Susan and each of the other 6 siblings. Her husband had made a mix CD of her favorite music which played before and after the wake.

During the wake, the priest made comments and remarked on Susan’s life and legacy. Each part of the wake featured various aspects of Susan’s life and then a corresponding song that was important to her and that her family remembered her by. "I can’t live without you" by Barry Manilow (Susan loved him and this song made Jennifer wail during the wake.) "The Rose" by Bette Midler, which she had sung a cappella with my sister Alex at a talent show in high school–this turned Alex  into a pool of tears.

Susan and Richard had spoken about her funeral and what she wanted, and he delivered. Richard recently sent pictures of Susan the day before she died and I still feel miserable thinking about her pain and deteriorating mental and physical condition.

Susan had irregular bleeding the week that Jennifer was married and had to leave a party that was thrown in my honor with my friends in LA because of this abnormal bleeding. Nobody thought to check for cancer or anything abnormal because she had recently given birth to Anthony. That and she was only 39 years old. 

I can’t believe that I can’t hear her giggling any more, can’t watch her play with her kids, can’t take her to the cheesecake factory and laugh at random people. I can’t believe that I can’t hug her, can’t see her warm wonderful smile. There’s a big hole in my heart that can never be replaced.

The day she died I was with a coworker at the Silver Spring Whole Foods and looked at all the shoppers and wondered how people could continue to live and the world continue to turn when it lost its most wonderful inhabitant. With each person I ran into that I knew–coworkers, friends, neighbors–I thought, "you will never meet Susan. I can never introduce you to her. You will never know a happier person…"

Cervical cancer, endometrial cancer… treatable if caught early, but seldom caught early… Susan’s spread from her reproductive organs throughout her body to her brain vis-a-vis her spine. Her lungs, spleen, kidneys, brain, spine… the cancer had metastasized throughout in less than 6 months.

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To all women and those who love them, read below and share!
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Uterine cancer is the most common gynecologic cancer (i.e., cancer that originates in female reproductive system). It develops in the body of the uterus, or womb, which is a hollow organ located in the lower abdomen. The wall of the uterus is comprised of an inner lining (called the endometrium) and an outer layer of muscle tissue (called the myometrium).  Endometrial cancer, which originates in the inner lining of the uterus, accounts for about 90% of uterine cancers. Uterine sarcoma originates in the myometrium and accounts for less than 10% of cases.

According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), uterine cancer is the most common type of gynecologic cancer. In the United States, approximately 37,000 cases are diagnosed and about 6000 women die from the disease each year.

Signs and Symptoms 

Early uterine cancer usually is asymptomatic (i.e., does not cause symptoms). Abnormal vaginal bleeding, which is the most common symptom, may also result from a condition called dysfunctional uterine bleeding (DUB).

Other symptoms of uterine cancer include the following:

• Abnormal vaginal discharge
• Painful or difficult urination
• Pelvic pain
• Pain during intercourse

Advanced uterine cancer may cause weight loss, loss of appetite, and changes in bladder and bowel habits.

All I can say is that now that I have an audience I BEG OF YOU… WOMEN: see a gynecologist and get a pap smear and do it annually! Also be sure to test for HPV which can develop into cervical cancer.

More info:

• From the National Institutes of Health
• Endometrial Cancer (PDQ): Treatment (National Cancer Institute)
  Also available in: Spanish
• What You Need to Know about Cancer of the Uterus (National Cancer Institute)

• Overviews
• Endometrial Cancer (Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research)
• What Is Endometrial Cancer? (American Cancer Society)

I absolutely HATE talking on my cell phone. Don’t get me wrong. I love my cell phone. But not because of it’s common use. I love the texting, the photos, the camcorder, the alarm, the task list, the games, the ring-tones, the phone book, the mp3 on it (even though it can only hold 200 songs!)…

I just hate talking on the damned thing for more than 5 minutes. I know, I know… It sounds weird that me, Debbie C–madame big mouth gay socialite herself–hates talking on the phone. But it’s true!

1) I’m deaf. I’ve spent countless nights out at clubs and concerts (dancing in front of the speakers no less, as if my ear drums were invincible). I’ve spent so many days in my youth with headphones blaring loud enough to not hear my then-evil (now-semi-obnoxious) sister Jennifer complain about how much her "so-called life" sucked during her teen years.  I’m nearly deaf. I can’t discern a word of conversation on the cell phone and cell phone to cell phone calls are hard to hear as it is!

2) I’m also much attention deficit to have a conversation. I blame the internet. Where else can you have 4 conversations on IM, while posting on your blog, downloading free music and checking out hotties on myspace? I can’t listen to a conversation and do all of these things and I’m too damned restless. If you want to have a conversation with me, I’ll pay attention if I’m walking alone and need the company or sitting on the bus avoiding eye contact with the crazy lady dancing in the aisle and babbling about Marmaduke on channel 7.

3) I’m too busy. Work is crazy and I’m sometimes there late. I’m also nearly always at the gym when people are calling to make dinner plans. Finally, I’m EXTREMELY SOCIAL. As the youngest of 7, I’m used to and love having people around. When I get a call I’m nearly always engaged with this fag or another!

That said, don’t call me, I’ll call you! Or… text me if you wanna try to chat! Does that sound awful?

BUT WAIT!

I have one more thought. I remember back in the highschool/college day when I used to talk on the phone FOR HOURS with my best girlfriends and certain guys. I would spend hours making fun of my mom and laughing at the stupid things that happened to us in the hood.

My first DC-boyfriend John and I had an all night conversation when we were starting to get to know each other.

What ever happened to conversation?

Well, the other night a certain someone opened my eyes/ears to what I used to remember as good old fashion PHONE FUN–dialogue, conversation! Granted, he spent the entire time asking me questions, but I loved the attention and I learned a thing or three from him. I was tired and intending on sleeping at 9 or 10pm to recuperate from the weekend but ended up talking ’til 1 (or later)

At any rate, although I’ve ranted endlessly about hating cell phone conversations, I think that Matthew has changed my perspective!

I will do the following:

a) try to have more meaningful conversations and

b) tame my attention deficit and

c) turn down the volume of my mp3 player so I can actually hear the other person.

Let’s see…

Here are 10 random things I hate this week:

1) Babies at restaurants–when they’re too young to be asleep and they’re old enoughto scream at a level that the cooks can hear then just leave them at home! (corrected spelling to appease bitches)

2) Medical bills. Why doesn’t my insurance company just pay up front and stop forcing me to appeal everything?

3) My next door neighbor. He hasn’t complained, but the fact that he lives next door and is packing heat just irks the living daylights outta me.

4) people who try to have conversations on the dance floor. It’s hard enough to hear myself think, don’t talk to me unless it is a brief comment. I can’t debate while trying to get my groove on!

5) falling down drunks. I used to be one of them, and I don’t mind it when people drink to excess, but not to the point of when you’re falling down on the dance floor and throwing your drinks on people.

6) free magazines. I know, sounds weird… but somehow I was subscribed to 8 different magazines and now I have a pile that rivals a dentist’s office. The guilt eats me up when a new one comes and I haven’t even cracked the surface of any of the previous mags.

7) bad shoes. I hate spending money on shoes that hurt after one day of wearing them! I just got these new cute shoes that have torn up my feet. They looked so cute and sensible… *sigh*

mood swings. sometimes I go from happy to irritable and I have NO idea why. I think it’s because of partying too much and no sleep.

9) not being able to run. I really damaged my leg and heel (damned ddr) and can’t run for a month! Well… perhaps if I ran on a treadmill and very slowly… I just have to face with life on an elliptical for a while. perhaps I will lift weights and get all pumped.

10) cobalt. man has that shit hole gone down the drain or what? Velvet wasn’t so hot either, but any excuse to party at Nation in it’s eleventh hour is valid. Too bad John Paul didn’t show up!

I had the opportunity to have 3 boys stay  over at my house on Friday night. Mind you, they’re all gay boyfriends, Paul, Don and the infamous John Paul Venuti. They all managed to find someone to go home with leaving me alone!

Don’t get me wrong,  I enjoy spending moments alone. However, I’m very social, was raised in a household of 9 and I DID want to talk to someone when I got home so I could recap the night spent at Halo, Merkado, Cobalt, Townhouse Tavern and ultimately Nation.

Well, I wasn’t all that alone when I got home! It’s 5:30 AM on Saturday morning and I have to give a HUGE shout out to my friend Andreas for the long early morning chat about my emotional worries, life’s ambition and more! Apologies to Andrew for not wanting to chat over the phone (I was already talking to Andreas!)

THANK GOD FOR FRIENDS :)))

   What are you doing this memorial day 3-day weekend? I guess this question applies to the Americans among us on friendster, which is what, 5%? no xenophobia there, just an observation.

This weekend I plan on hanging with my friend’s Don, Victor, John Paul and b/f/f Paul. They’re all gay men. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY. I’m obsessed. Sometimes I think I’m a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. In fact, on some nights I get more play with gay men than my friends @ gay bars. Well, that was back in the day.

Now I don’t fuck with anyone. Well, there’s this one guy who is FINE. Phew. He is HOT. Incredible. Funny, cute, sweet, fun, exciting…. But I won’t blog about that because I don’t want to jinx it. I remember blogging about Bryan and what a MESS he turned out to be. I knew it wouldn’t last the second he started talking politics. That’s the last time I fuck with a libertarian… urgh.

I can’t believe that i haven’t had a drink in almost a year. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out or that maybe just one night I can go crazy. But I’ll stay free of all that shit and get my kicks at the gym. or at work. or at the mall. or with my friends. I’m so lame. I sound like Nancy Reagan, "Just say no!"

This is random because I’m exhausted. i have such problems getting to sleep. I think once my hips, thigh and heel get better and i develop a routine workout of daily runs and 1x/week rest days I’ll be back to better sleep. For now, I will surf the web in search of better furniture and wall decor. Any ide as?

– Jury finds former Enron executives Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling guilty in corporate fraud trial…

Awesome!

So you noticed that friendster has a new home page?

I’m listed as a friendster hottie and the blog is listed as a featured blog as well.

I think this is my 15 seconds of fame. In Indonesia.

Here’s my response to the 11 random comments from the last post:

Finally some clarification.

So I went out with Andrew M. aka "cupcake", who I met @ Wendy’s, who I know through Nathan, who shared a 2-bedroom at the Rocksboro with Brad who went to school with Andrew. Isnt’ that crazy?

Tonight, Andrew and I went to Fox and Hounds, Townhouse Tavern, back to Fox and then to JR’s. Andrew and I actually found out that although I met him at C.Bowling’s birthday "cupcake" soiree, our paths had crossed before… He actually went to Yaniv’s goodbye party several years back! We went through some of my old photos and found him in half of them!

Exhibit A and B:

The more I spoke with Andrew, the more friends we found in common and the more I realized this town is too small! I’m going to run out of homos to befriend and THEN what?

Oh God, it’s 2am. What am I doing up on a Tuesday morning? Damn my sobriety–I was out drinking one diet coke after the next and now I’m totally wired…

I got to bed early last night with every intention of waking up and running the g-town 5 miler at 8:30am. I figure I could  bus to Silver spring and cab up to g-town. Unfortunately, after many late night and drunken texts from friend’s out and about, I wake up too late and realize there’s no way in hell I can make it there save hailing a cab and paying out of the ass for a 5 mile run at the crack of dawn. So I roll around in bed debating. and read the paper debating. and eat a cliff bar debating. and fall back asleep…

I didn’t go to Nation on Fri night with the intention of getting up early to run. I *DID* wake up early so that I could run but can’t find a way there on time.  I had planned the whole weekend around being with Paul who tells me on Friday "whoops, I thought I told you I get back from Turkey on Weds! Funny, my mom thought I was coming back this weekend too… what a coincidence!" oh well.

Then, things start to get back on track as Gianni and I run errands, first Home Depot (Homo Despot as I call it) and then the WSC. I have every intention of running that damned 5 miles, even though it was on a treadmill in Clarendon and not a hilly course in BFE suburban Maryland.

The day goes WILDLY wrong at the WSC in Clarendon… while I’m doing these  full-body crunches in the stretching area something in my upper thigh on my left leg POPS. I stop immediately and tears well up in my eyes. I’m in serious pain and I have no idea what happens. A bone couldn’t possibly have popped, what the hell just happened? I try to continue the crunch but my leg won’t bend without intense searing pain. All I can think  is that I hope I didn’t do any damage and that I can run today! Gianni goes and gets a trainer who puts ice on it and says I either struck a nerve or pulled a muscle. I have to do this weird move where I lay on it over a long rubber tube to knead the muscle out of it’s tightness. FUCK it hurt.

I didn’t run. I spent 40 minutes pounding on my thigh (I have bruises all over my leg now.) I can’t barely walk up steps because of the pain. I couldn’t party tonight… what else–oh yeah, walking SUCKS because I hurt with each step and I smell like old-people because I’m on lubing my leg with ben-gay or icy-hot or whatever.

I’m being a big baby about this, I just know it.

Technically it’s tuesday. It’s ten past midnight. I’m at work. I’m not alone though. I’m here with Diane and three other techies. At one point it was a big party with one of the techie dads in the house. He brought pizza. How sweet.

So I’ve spent the night at offices before, namely when working like a crazy woman the night before major conferences at the Feminist Majority Foundation. I’ve done it twice at the FMF, once on each coast! I remember staying until 3am and getting up at 6am for an event, the Ms. Comes to Washington breakfast… I was helping with the staff there who couldn’t mail merge name tags to save their lives. I love stepping in at the last minute to save the day!

I don’t intend to spend the night here, but I did want to stop the presses and share this moment, my pioneering longest day at work! I woke up at 6am, ran 3 miles, came into work by 8:30 and I’m working until whenever these techies leave. I don’t HAVE to be here, but I don’t want to leave Diane alone with these weird men! She also shouldn’t be alone at the office. I’m going down with the ship with her! That sounds dirty, ew.

I’m getting a lot done and I’m actually pretty excited about being at work this late. If you’re going to work hard–go nuts! My workaholic mode is on full steam and I’m so excited that it’s Monday!

You know my ass is sleeping in though!

Back to work