Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

Should I be a comedian?

And if so, how do I keep from being typcasted as the "Mexican Margaret Cho" ???

I’m home sick from work. All week I had cold symptoms that I thought were allergies. It’s cherry blossom time and my allergies ALWAYS act up this time of year. This morning was the worst and I really thought I had a cold. I’m still not sure what I have.

I decide that this is the perfect time for spring cleaning. If I clean out the dust, that will help minimize allergies too.

I’ve been having such a bad year. Work has been stressful, love life has been bustling and yet still oddly unsatisfying, running has been sporadic… and I haven’t even mentioned the unimaginable news of my sister dying of a cancer that was caught too late. I haven’t been dealing with this and as a result, have not been able to go to sleep before 1am any night of the week.

I miss my best friend Paul who moved to North Carolina for graduate school @ Duke.

Well, this sounds depressing so I’ll start thinking of positives:

**haven’t had a drink since last July, so I’m sticking to my guns

**got nearly 5,000 bucks back in taxes

**have great friends in DC and I’m considering going back to my fag-hagging days sans alcohol

**the weather is niceI

oh, and I’m knee deep in spring cleaning! I’m not only cleaning out my condo, but i’m cleaning out all the creeps, assholes and toxic-friends from my life! I’ve already sent some "we can’t be friends" emails out and I feel like a load has been lifted. I tend to waste a LOT of time on people who I give the benefit of the doubt, in spite of objective 3rd party opinions (all my friends.) All my friends tell me that when i’m friends with these toxic people that I devalue their friendship! Seriously, if I spend more time talking to this guy, I spend less time, partying with my real friends.

Back to the big cleanup….

I’m back. I think. I’m working until 7pm and I feel so much better now. I had this problem of trying to leave at 5:30pm so that I could go home and clean up, but boy did that cause so much stress in having to prioritize! Now I can do everything, I just leave later (like 9pm) and work out until 11pm and go to sleep at 1am. I don’t go to sleep until 1am anyway.

Boy, does this make me a loser or what? I prefer to get swallowed up by work.

It feels so good at the end of the day to hear a pulmonary hyerptension patient say,

"thanks for all your work Debbie. you helped make my first support group meeting a success"

well, that’s what she said, anyway. it’s not much, but I hear it a lot more than I did when I worked with healthy students on reproductive rights. of course, these students adored me when I actually would turn out at their events and speak. I miss that.

If this seems so random it’s because I’m running on 4.5 hours of sleep. Damn slumber parties at friend’s houses! what was I thinking!?!? It was fun though. I love impromptu hanging out with friends, especially on work nights and especially if it involves late night lounging in bed watching Bill Maher AND John Stewart… sweet!

I’ve had such a moody week. It started out great on Sunday, shooting the shit with Gianni at the gym and then a cameo appearance at dinner with the ever sexy-Ben.  Monday and Tuesday were awful though, as I was stuck with someone who loved the sound of his own voice and who was so stuck in his own mind of ideas and world that it he was oblivious to his lack of interest in everything else around him, including me! And I’m so interesting! I was rendered nearly speechless in his presence because why waste my breath on someone who isn’t really listening? He was also kind of mean to me at one point, and I’ve told some people the specifics but that was REALLY embarrassing. but I’m over it!

Wednesday was MUCH better as my organization had a spectacularly fun rock concert fundraiser and benefit event at the 9:30 Club. The incredibly adorable and fun Nate, who I am unbelievably fond of, made an appearance with his friend Josh that night. Good times.

Thursday night I went to a fun birthday party for my lovely new friend Chris Bowling. I know SO many boys named Chris that I have to include last name, give them a nickname (like Spinach Dip or Crispanic) or call them by the way I met them (Filip’s Chris, Gianni’s Chris, Brad’s ex Chris.)

During all of these events, I was discovering details of my sister Susan’s awful week in the hospital. They had to replace two vertebrae in her spine with metal discs because tumors were pinching on nerves that made her legs useless. The surgery went fine but she kept panicking while they tried to take out the respirator and feeding tube. They had to strap her arms down because when the tranquilizers wore off, she would freak out and try to pull the cords out of her. She must have suffered a lot this week in and out of consciousness, post-surgery. Susan is doing better and I think they were able to FINALLY remove the feeding tube.

I also found out that two other sister’s Jennifer and Elodia are bouting in unbelievably big ways. The drama really zapped all the energy out of me, but I still ended up going clubbing with Roz and David. Dimitri from Paris sucked, but the dj before him was awesome and since I left at 2am I ended up dancing to the first dj for all but 10 minutes of the time.

SO here I am on Saturday, 11:28am. I woke up this morning at 7 to get to West Potomac Park (passed the Lincoln Memorial) and ran the Scope it Out 5k with Roz (33 minutes, not so good, but we had 4 hours of sleep and I had menstrual cramps!)

Anyway, it’s been a good day so far, so I hope my luck is changing!

Hey all,
I’m sure many of you know that South Dakota recently outlawed abortions for women and girls in that state–without including an exception for the health of the mother or for rape or incest survivors (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/22/AR2006022202424.html).

The law is being challenged in court, but for most SD women, reproductive health services are inaccessible anyway because there is only one clinic in the entire state.

Now however, the President of the Oglala Sioux Tribe—the first woman President they’ve ever had—has decided to build a PP clinic on her land, over which the state of South Dakota has no jurisdiction.

A friend of mine posted some information about how you can support it.  The information is posted below.  Please donate if you can, send an email or letter of support if you can’t, and either way, FOWARD VERY WIDELY.

————————–
I called the Office of the President of the Oglala Sioux Tribe of Pine Ridge, and spoke with Ms. Fire Thunder herself. (In case you haven’t seen it, this is in reference to http://www.indianz.com/News/2006/013061.asp)

If you want to mail donations to the reservation, you may do so at:

Oglala Sioux Tribe
ATTN: President Fire Thunder
P. O. Box 2070
Pine Ridge, SD 57770

OR: and this may be preferred, due to mail volume:

ATTN: PRESIDENT FIRE THUNDER
PO BOX 990
Martin, SD 57751

************************
TAKE ACTION
************************
Enclose a letter voicing your support and explaining the purpose of the donation. Bear in mind, the Pine Ridge Res is not exactly dripping with disposeable income, so do consider donating funds directly to the tribe as well as specifically for this effort.

ETA: Make checks out to OST Planned Parenthood Cecelia Fire Thunder. This will ensure that the funds get routed properly.

For email contact, you can contact the president at:

firethunder_president@yahoo.com
cc:vbush@oglala.org

That is Ms. Fire Thunder’s personal email address; I have received permission to post it here. For the sake of record keeping, do cc: the listed address on all correspondence; that’s her official secretary.

She was frankly kind of surprised that a white girl from Seattle was calling to express support, and even more surprised that the news had spread so far so fast. She’s likely to get deluged with screaming hate mail soon, so get your support in fast. Send email with good thoughts if you can’t send money.

ETA: Yes, please, dear God, link it anywhere and everywhere!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: March 21, 2006

FOR MORE INFORMATION: Amanda Huie, 202.338.3640, amanda@buzzlife.com

BUZZLIFE SAYS GOODBYE TO NATION NIGHTCLUB

WASHINGTON, DC - On July 16th 2006, after a decade of Buzzlife events, Nation Nightclub will close its doors. The building will soon make way for development as the southeast waterfront is restructured in preparation for the recently approved baseball stadium.

“While we are saddened to see our home of so many years close, this is a very exciting time for Buzzlife. Our time in DC is no where near its end and we have exciting things planned for 2006 and beyond,” remarks Scott Henry, president of Buzzlife Productions.

Nation was originally named The Capitol Ballroom and opened its doors in 1996 under the management of Cellar Door Productions. Buzzlife began throwing the flagship event ‘Buzz’ in October of the same year. In 1998, ownership transferred to John Boyle and the then warehouse venue was transformed into a multi-level superclub that would soon host every major electronic act in the world. In 2003, Buzz revamped its musical style and reopened as Cubik.

Buzzlife and Nation have won awards from major industry publications across the world. Nation was awarded the title of ‘Best US Superclub’ and Buzzlife, ‘Best Event Promoter.’ This made Buzz and Nation a destination for the top DJs in the industry and a milestone for up and coming Washington DC area DJs. Over the years, every ‘Top 100 DJ’ as named by BPM Magazine, the leading electronic music publication in the US, has performed at a Buzzlife Event at Nation.

Upcoming Cubik events -

March 23rd – THE PRODIGY (live!) | ADAM FREELAND
March 24th – SCOTT HENRY | FABIO
March 31st – BUZZ IN BLACK | LEE BURRIDGE | RKM Performance

April 7th – JUNKIE XL (live!) | STANTON WARRIORS
April 14th – INFUSION (live!) | BASSNECTAR
April 21st – ICEY | DJ RAP
April 28th – DANCE CONTEST | GRANDMASTER FLASH | BASSBIN TWINS | DYLAN

May 5th – JOSH WINK | DONALD GLAUDE
May 11th – PAUL VAN DYK
May 19th – ANDY C | MC GQ | EAST COAST BOOGIEMEN
May 26th – CONCORD DAWN + more TBA

June 2nd – THE CRYSTAL METHOD | DJ DAN | HIVE
June 9th – STEVE LAWLER
June 23rd – JOHN DIGWEED
June 30th – PLANET OF THE DRUMS w/ DIESELBOY | DARA | AK1200 | MC MESSINIAN

For more information on the events listed, visit www.buzzlife.com.

-30-
Notes to editor-

In addition to hosting Cubik each Friday, Nation is an excellent concert venue and home to two other award-winning weeklies. Saturdays play host to Velvetnation, a gay dance event, created and operated by John Guggenmos and Ed Bailey. Thursday nights have been home to Alchemy, one of the country’s largest weekly parties catering to the darker realm of club land and features goth and industrial music.

So I’m dealing with my sister’s tragic circumstances by throwing myself into work and going out. For example, I wasted all of Sunday because I stayed out until a ridiculous hour of the morning on Saturday night (although I had fun). This kind of reminds me of when i would trashed on a Friday night and Saturday night and ruin my day-time over the weekend. In both cases, instead of dealing with life, I stayed out late and slept through the day. While I was in California spending time with my sister, I ended up sleeping a lot too. I think that’s my way of shutting down.

Still, I’m going to distract myself in the mean time and avoid thinking about Susan’s predicament. There’s nothing I can do by worrying, right? That said, there are a number of parties happening over the next week:

Weds: 9:30 Club Party that my org is throwing. If you haven’t gotten the RSVP, just call me. The Ambassador of Hungary is secretly a rock star and he’s performing for the Pulmonary Hypertension Association in this awareness raising concert.

Thurs: Prodigy, Adam Freeland and Paul Van D. @ NATION! woot woot! Well, i just went online and saw that tickets were 40 bucks, so fuck that shit. Thursday’s free, who wants to party.

Friday: Dimitri from Paris @ Five.

Saturday: Scope it Out 5k

Alright, it doesn’t look like I have much going on. That said, call me to hang out! I’m free, I’m here and I’m desperate to be distracted! That sounds dirty and degrading. aaaah yeah. Denial… sweet denial.

I’ve never cried so much in my life. I hate this shit. I’m in total limbo going back and forth between hope and misery for my sister’s fate. The bumps on her skull that you can feel when you massage her scalp are diminishing, but she still has cancer in her spine. She’s getting radiation daily, but they have to work on her skull before they can do the spine because to do them both at the same time would be too intense. She seems okay during the day but she is in agony throughout the night and especially in the morning. She’s learning about the amount and combination of pain killers and muscle relaxers to feel okay and get through the day, but she shakes as a side effect to (what we’ve called) the opium patches and the shaking psyches her out and makes her stressed.

Her request for a hospice nurse to manage and monitor her pain and medicine was denied by insurance. My mom might be able to take time off of work and stay through May, but my mom admits that she doesn’t know if she can handle the stress. Who can take care of my sister when her husband inevitably returns back to work? She has daily radiation and 2 small children who are high maintenance by virtue of being 1 and 3 years old!

She hasn’t lost her hair yet and it’s the end of week 2 when her docs were expecting her to be completely bald. She never shaved and didn’t want me to either.

While I was there she barely asked for help. Her feet were freezing, her body ached, and she barely mumbled for some socks and a massage. When I did give her massages and did nice things, she was extremely apologetic and continually asked if she was being pushy. If she’s this way with me, someone who has known her for 28 years and purposefully flew out to LA to take care of her and stay with her then I’m sure that she will NEVER ask for help from her in-laws now that she’s moved into her mother-in-laws place.

The tense is immeasurable in my family. My brothers and sisters in LA had some weird fights that I was central to. At one point I was under the impression that I was banned from two of my sister’s home! The funny thing is that it all started with me running on a treadmill @ my sister’s home… I swear to God the next time I’m in LA, no matter how badly my sweet nieces beg for me to stay @ their house or my other sister offers a place for me to stay, I’m going to book it over to my born-again Baptist bro’s Peter’s house and see if I can get banned from that joint too!

I’ve been banned from many a club and bar on

. I’ve even been banned from an entire apartment complex, the Rocksboro, because of something I did bad during Pride one year. BUT to be banned from a family members house??? Fortunately, my sister Jennifer had exagerated and I wasn’t really banned from anyone’s house. I’m still going to avoid certain family members like the plague now. At least I now have the opportunity to get closer to my brother Peter’s family. Silver lining, Deb. Silver lining.

I survived the Ides of March. I set off two of my friend’s car alarms. Bri and I were extremely close to two car accidents that happened in front of our eyes, one at high speed on a freeway and the other in front of us on the way to the airport. I had dinner last night with Mardy and Jason and I was telling stories of NYE in NYC with Paul and Roz. We came to the conclusion last night that I rarely have a period of calm and rest and that my life is EXTREMELY drama filled, exciting and strange. Well, I thought my life was exciting.

Off to find a plug before my laptop runs out of juice.

*ps* I can’t believe that Cicero and Kort from Ms. Mag read my blog. You gals are too funny. Thanks Nohelia and Bri for your love. Jessie–you are too cute when we came and saw you at FMF west BH, same old high energy fun (miss it!)

I’m in Pomona right now. Luckily Susan’s husband Richard said it was okay for me to stay with them even though there’s not much space in their 1 bedroom. Currently, Richard, Susan, Harmony (3), Jeremy (1), my mom and I are occupying the space which is about 700 sq feet!

I was going to stay with Bri who lives but a mile away but I would have to job by a winnebago meth lab each morning and Richard okayed my staying with them–pheeewwww!!!

Each day is different for Susan. She can barely move, she stays in bed all day only surfacing to eat and take her meds. She barely eats and rarely smiles. Her bones ache. She used to think it was because of the tumors, but the doc said it’s the chemo. She’s doing radiation on her skull and will start radiation on her spine tomorrow (if everything checks out with insurance issues.)

One day I cried so hard because her 3 year old daughter, cute as a button and who looks like a mini-Betty Boop, started crying and told me,  "mommy and daddy are gone and mommy has a lot of boo boos and mommy sees the doctor and everybody’s calling and mommy has a lot of boo boos." I totally lost it. Seeing my sister in SO much pain is really upsetting too. She can barely speak most of the time. Her legs are sore from being immobile.

She got a second opinion from the head of the UC Irvine Gynecologic Oncology division. Good news: he said that her current doc is giving her the best chemo. Bad news: they diagnosed her so late that it couldn’t be determined whether her cancer originated as cervical or endometrial cancer so they couldn’t stage her, as a result they can’t put her on even more aggressive clinical trials.

I feel horrible. All i can do for Susan now is give her massages to relax her and help my mom take care of the kids. Oh, and help pack since they’re moving to a bigger place…

I come back on Thursday so I have another week to spend with her. I’m glad, but I’m also SO stressed. My mom hasn’t shown any emotion about it, I’m wondering how she’s holding it together. All she does is pray. I’ve been sleeping more than I’ve ever slept in my entire life. I slept 7 hours last night and slept 3 hours during the day. I keep falling asleep before 10pm and getting up at around 6am. Poor Susan wakes up 3 times a night to go to the bathroom and I just don’t know how she’s faring with her pain and sleeplessness…

I’m going to Los Angeles on Saturday to be with my sister Susan. I’ll be outta DC from Mar 4-16th. I’ll be staying near my sister in Pomona, at my friend Bri’s house. THANK GOD FOR HER.

Also, THANKS to Nohelia for doing research on some insurance questions I had and for putting me back in touch with Beth J. who gave me good names for docs I tried to hit up for appts for a second opinion. Special big shout out to Roz for offering frequent flyer miles to my sister Alex who at the time, was unable to afford the flight to LA from Texas (another relative paid for the ticket.) Thanks to Wendy for listening and offering advice.

Thanks to those who also offered feedback, support, advice and strength:

STEVE. first of all.

Andreas, Brad, Ben, Yaniv, Spinach Dip (for the flowers and love), Elena, Nick (for a LOT–you don’t even know what a help you’ve been!), Gianni (my spiritual advisor), Sirena, Nikki, and new friendster friends Nita and Nate. Nate has REALLY helped me keep me positive and happy!

When I come back, I might have a shaved head (in solidarity for Susan if she loses her hair during chemo.) I also promised to mortgage my home and go bankrupt if she needed the $$ for the best treatment options available. That said, I might be bald and homeless. Please open your homes and drag queens–Sparkle and all my other closeted homo queens–spare me a wig!