Time for bed
I’m not going to blog about my sister Susan’s health because what I do know isn’t good but it’s not entirely certain yet…
I will keep this light and let you know what’s going on by posing a question:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had a *great* connection with this guy I met through friendster and then ended it. We totally clicked and I stayed up ’til 6am laughing with him at the most ridiculous things and had a BLAST. Unfortunately, I tried to meet up with him 2 times and couldn’t swing it because of a crazy work schedule. I ended up telling him that I just didn’t have time to date. That was 2 weeks ago and I have been so sick that it ended up being true! I barely got out of the house to go to Roz’s and Brad’s 30th b-day party. I missed the ever-delicious Kreg’s Superbowl party and had to flake on David’s goodbye night of clubbing at five.
Now, I’m getting some interest from really fun (and cute!) guys on match and friendster and I *still* don’t have time. Not because of illness but because of a crazy work schedule. I got home tonight at 9, and will be working 9-9 tomorrow through Saturday and then an unhealthy part of Sunday…
This reminds me of when I started dating Bryan. We dated for 3 weeks and really liked each other and then I had to travel for work every weekend in September through Nov 5th. I had one break for Halloween. We both wanted it to work so bad that we made it work and met up on weeknights. We lived less than a mile apart and it was still difficult to make our schedules work. It was hard.
I wonder if we would have worked out if we had spent more time deve
loping our friendship and relationship instead of rushing because of my trip schedule. We had such a great physical connection… Jesus H. Christ I need to get laid, I’m getting all nostalgic about Bryan and forgetting our problems!!!
Girl.. don’t get me started on why he was wrong for me. Once we had pillow talk about universal health care and I couldn’t believe some of the things he was saying. I was TOTALLY sleeping with the enemy. He may dress like a liberal, but the comparisons end there! He was a libertarian in democrats clothing. Literally.
I’m sure you’re not reading this, Bryan. But if you are… don’t worry, I don’t miss you! I’m just horny. That’s evil, isn’t it? Well, at the tail end of our interactions, we both agreed to be "friends with benefits" because we couldn’t keep our hands off of eachother even though we agreed that we just DIDN’T get along. We pretended like we were both all mature and adult about it by being friends, but it was really ALL about the O. Oh well…
February 13th, 2006 at 11:19 am
I worked in non-profits for awhile and this is what I learned: working for a cause is a lifestyle, not just a job. Schedules are wacky, things change last minute, and your free time becomes less and less related to you and more so to your work. I made the switch to a for profit job when I realized I wanted more time for me because I was starting to give less time to the people with whom I worked. No good. But there are alternatives too, it doesn’t have to be so extreme. If you find a guy you think is worth it, wouldn’t a non-traditional dating relationship work or be worth the try? Hopefully this is more inspiring then preachy because I just wanted to let you know there are other ladies out here who know how you feel. Good luck!
February 14th, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Thanks for the insight. oh girl. I know there are other ladies out there who know how I feel. I worked with a bunch of feminists and we sat around talking about how the only men we know are gay or the enemy! I worked 10-9pm at the Feminist Majority (when not travelling) and when I wasn’t with feminists I was with homos. I still managed a good relationship. The point of this blog was that I fucked up. I didn’t have time in those 2 weeks, but I think I was making an excuse. how did I know that my stomach and allergy issue would take so much time to clear? I didn’t. I made an excuse because I am nervous about dating guys who are actually worth going out with! THIS is my big problemo… I have such a fear of rejection that I only date guys i know aren’t good in the long term and so I never worry about rejection because so what, I didn’t want to be with them in the first place. That’s fucked up, eh? I’m trying to overcome that by forcing myself into a discomfort zone and date people who are worth it and compatible, potential long-termers perhaps. This is a fearful circumstance/situation, but I’m slowly getting over it! And I’m too horny to not date and why be with guys who I don’t *really* like? Even if they’re good…
February 15th, 2006 at 9:10 am
Ooooohhhh! I think I understand more clearly. I actually just had a conversation about that exact phobia with my room mate. We do the same thing! It’s like once you have a chance at getting what you have always secretly or openly wanted, the fear of losing it or it not being true and just plain fear takes over and you run scared. My problem even spills into the intimacy part of relationships too. I get so excited to finally GET SOME ACTION that I freeze up and can’t do anything! It’s like junior high all over again and no one wants to go back there.
My non profit job was with a bunch of feminists too at the YWCA. Women rule! Homos rule! But not always when your single and ready to mingle.