Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

I came home this morning after a night of amazing fun out in Columbia Heights. My sister Jennifer had called and I didn’t realize it because my cell phone was silenced. I called her back and she told me that she had an idea that we could ask for a miracle for my sister Susan’s cancer to disappear. She asked that I pray and get as many people to pray at 5pm PST today. If you have any way of sending positive vibes to my sister Susan Nichols, PLEASE send them TONIGHT, Saturday February 25th at 5pm PST/8pm EST!

I’m a recovering Catholic, but have my own spiritual way of "praying" and I agreed to participate in this vigil because I have no other way to contribute to my sister’s well being. I also think that many unified voices are stronger and more powerful, it’s like lobbying.

I hung up with Jennifer and entered my apartment, got a glass of milk, skimmed the paper and walked over to my computer.

I didn’t think that Jennifer’s call and urgency was prompted by anything new with Susan’s condition. Unfortunately, there was new info that I had yet to hear. I checked my email and received another message about Susan:

"As you all know we went to see Susans Dr. today. I’m not really sure how to say this, things were worse than we thought. The cancer has spread to just about every where. Lungs, back, liver, and possibly the brain (although the brain hasn’t been confirmed by test, this is what Dr. thinks based on some of Susans symptoms). Susan will be getting an MRI next week of pretty much everything, to get a better look. She will also be starting Chemo next week… As much as we are both praying for a miracle, we also realize how bad this is. Today the Dr. told us that Susan can not lift Jeremy or Harmony. Since the cancer has spread to the back, she can easily break her back and become paralyzed. Susan did not want to know a time line, but was told very short."

I had been training to keep positive or stay in denial and not make any assessments of the situation until I had concrete information, but now it’s official.

Susan must be so scared. She’s going to go through a lot of very intensive chemotherapy to attempt to save her life. She’s going to go through a lot of pain and suffering, fear and stress, and this may be her last experience and memory in life. I’m so sad for her and her family. She has a daughter and son who are very young.

The only advice I gave her early on, when she only thought her cancer was confined to her cervix was to smoke a lot of weed. Now I have NO idea what it’s going to take to make whatever life she has left less painful.

I need some advice. My sister Susan was diagnosed with endometrial cancer 3 weeks ago. She had a whole battery of tests because she had excrutiating pain in other parts of her body. Now I’m told she that the results of a CT scan is that her cancer has spread to her lungs and back. How can this happen so quickly when they didn’t catch anything at the time of her last pap 6 months ago?

I don’t know anything about this, but I’m wondering what kind of doctor I should refer her to (if any?) and perhaps if you might have a sympathetic doctor who I might query about this.

I’m pretty desperate for answers. My mom said that Susan told her that she wanted to live see her kids grow up and my sister’s husband who’s a primary care doc said that the outlook doesnt’ look good.

RichardSusan Nichols <> wrote:

Subject: Update on Susan
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 12:33:55 -0800

This will be real quick, an unfortunatly real bad.

Today we talked to her specialist and he informed of the results of the CT
scan. The cancer has spread to her back and lungs. We do not know much more
than this. We are going into his office tommorow, where she will get some
more details/ test. Chemo will start at once.

We wish at this time that no one call. She will contact you all via e-mail
or personal call after we know more tommorow. Some of you will recieve calls
today. We are just trying to stay as positive as possible, and keep things
as normal as possible. After all we do have a little girl that picks up on
everything.

Susans mom, or in some cases your mom, will be staying with us a few weeks
to help out.

Richard

_________________________________________________________________

I have a new gay boyfriend. His name is Yaniv. He lives with me right now. He’s visiting from Israel and he brought some great hygeine products and chocolates from the holy land. Sometimes he tramps around and doesn’t come home at night. He’s on vacation though, so I forgive him.

He’s been with me for the last 10 days, 18 hours and 41 minutes. I don’t mind. Today he cleaned up my condo, putting away my dishes, dusting the surfaces after my contractor sanded down the new walls, and WASHING MY SHEETS! I hope that fucker didn’t do anything during the day that would warrant a washin’ … but seriously, it’s been SO fun to have someone in my pad to greet me when I come back from a run or just a long day @ work.

Speaking of someone greeting me at the door–I almost bought a cat this weekend. I was 2 seconds away from signing the papers but I thought I had to think on it some more. This cat was SOOOOO cute and sweet and loving. Tallula was her name. of course I would change it even though she’s 4 years old and is probably used to it. I wouldn’t want to call her Tallula because it would remind me of the tranny model who danced around in Power Station’s "Some like it hot" video.

Oh, and I have a MAJOR crush on a fellow friendster. He’s just like me, only a dude… he’s smart, political, funny, chatty and cute. you know, just like me!

What else is new… I HAVE A WEB CAM!

Doesn’t this sound like the start of all friendster spam. I seriously have a web cam. It’s fun because I can show you my condo if you haven’t seen the new wall. Paul couldn’t BELIEVE that I had a wall and only believed it when I gave him a tour of the newly walled place! This boy from Israel comes and visits me and he’s got me building walls dividing my place and everything! I’ll call the side with my bedroom the West Bank, because you know, scary shit can happen there and you always gotta watch your back.

Well there’s many a strange impulse out on the plains of West Texas
There’s many a young boy who feels things he can’t comprehend
Now a small town don’t like it when somebody falls between sexes
No a small town don’t like it when a cowboy has feelings for men.

And I believe to my soul that inside every man there’s the feminine
And inside every lady there’s a deep manly voice loud and clear
Well a cowboy may brag about things that he’s done with his women
But the ones that brag loudest are the ones that are most likely queer

Cowboys are frequently, secretly fond of each other
Say, what did you think all them saddles and boots was about?
And there’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels for his brother
And inside every cowboy there’s a lady that’d love to slip out

And there’s always somebody who says what the others just whisper
And mostly that someone’s the first one to get shot down dead
So when you talk to a cowboy don’t treat him like he was a sister
You can’t fuck with the lady that’s sleepin’ in each cowboy’s head

Cowboys are frequently, secretly fond of each other
What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?
And there’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels for his brother
And inside every lady there’s a cowboy who wants to come out
And inside every cowboy there’s a lady that’d love to slip out

I had the worst head ache this morning. But by late afternoon, after a lunch with my current Israeli house-guest Yaniv (see me and him kissing at his goodbye party last May to the left)

and his and my b/f Steve, I felt 100% better. Now, I have a residual cough still, but it’s minor and only creeps up 1x every 5 minutes or so (if I’m not talking, which let’s face it kids, isn’t often.)

The way I know I’m finally back, though, is that I was able to spend an hour at the gym. Yay! I walked a mile to warm up to a 2 and a half mile run (although I really wanted to run 4, I think that eating dinner late interefered with this goal.) OH, and I did the ellipticals for a half hour. I got back an hour and a half ago, but the endorphins are still flowing through me and I can’t go to bed!

What I really need to go to sleep is : __________________________ (you fill in the blank with a comment, and please spare me the obvious)

I know I’ve been a bad friend. I’ve run into you accidentally while exiting the Dupont metro or hanging out in Arlingtron and we’d say, "let’s hang out sometime soon,"  "we really ought to get together," or ‘let’s plan on going out this weekend," only to have forgotten about running into one another.  We may have even exchanged numbers only realizing that our current number was already on our cell phones… still, some of you I haven’t seen in ages tell me that you know what’s goin on in my life because you read ALL about it in my blog. shelly, Nisha’s sister, are you there?

You guys don’t comment, though.

For all of you reading this, just post a comment that says "here" so I know that you’re reading. That way, when I DO run into you, I won’t have to go over my life story about how I dated this crazy guy or how my stomach hurt for a week proceeded by a chronic cough for nearly 2 weeks…

If you try to post and it sends you to your profile, simply hit back and you’ll find that you can post comments. Friendster has a glitch, apparently…

*ps* who wants to go sledding on Sunday? I don’t have to work because the snow scared all of my org’s board members out of town on early flights… yeah!

I saw the doc today. I went to a different doctor than my usual. I normally go to this free-clinic in Adams Morgan, 2 blocks from my house, so that they can benefit from my insurance because most people who go there get free or reduced services and lack insurance. This time, i really needed immediate attention and couldn’t wait the customary 2 hours for the walk-in. I went to a doctor I saw a year ago and they still had my file from the year prior–even though I only saw them once (I thought that was a big deal.)

Anyway, I peeked at my chart and realized that I not only lost a ton of weight last year but had better vital signs this year, with lower blood pressure and heart rate!  My heart bpm went down 20 beats! Running, man.

The biggest change I realized, however, happened after the diagnosis. I wasn’t begging for tylenol with codeine so that I could mix it with a night of drinking! I wasn’t all pissed off for being on antibiotics because that would mean I would have to hold off on drinking for at least 5 days if not an entire week! Finally, I actually heard myself tell the doctor that i knew I was sick when I had no energy to go on a run or work out at the gym! who have I become???

I used to tell the doctor I knew I was sick because I couldn’t party past 1am… seriously. I was straight up with the doc and would detail my symptoms on my paty schedule back in the day. years ago, when I had mononucleousis, the doctor and I realized this because I had to slow down my clubbing schedule. One friend Chris Wang said, "yeah Deb. only you would know you were sick when you couldn’t put your hands all the way up in the air at the club!" I had the party schedule of a club promoter!

I can’t even remember the last time I went out clubbing. I went to one party with Shannon to meet up with this guy I crossed lines with on match.com. That was like, at least 3 weeks ago…

When I get better, I think I shall wipe the dust from upon my dancing heels…

Grooverider is at Nation tonight and I:

a) have an important meeting tomorrow morning

b) am sick and endlessly coughing with bronchitis or allergies

and

c) would have no one to go with, even if I could get away with it…

damn it!

still, prodigy is in town next month… at least.

I’m not going to blog about my sister Susan’s health because what I do know isn’t good but it’s not entirely certain yet…

I will keep this light and let you know what’s going on by posing a question:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I had a *great* connection with this guy I met through friendster and then ended it. We totally clicked and I stayed up ’til 6am laughing with him at the most ridiculous things and had a BLAST. Unfortunately, I tried to meet up with him 2 times and couldn’t swing it because of a crazy work schedule. I ended up telling him that I just didn’t have time to date. That was 2 weeks ago and I have been so sick that it ended up being true! I barely got out of the house to go to Roz’s and Brad’s 30th b-day party. I missed the ever-delicious Kreg’s Superbowl party and had to flake on David’s goodbye night of clubbing at five.

Now, I’m getting some interest from really fun (and cute!) guys on match and friendster and I *still* don’t have time. Not because of illness but because of a crazy work schedule. I got home tonight at 9, and will be working 9-9 tomorrow through Saturday and then an unhealthy part of Sunday…

This reminds me of when I started dating Bryan. We dated for 3 weeks and really liked each other and then I had to travel for work every weekend in September through Nov 5th. I had one break for Halloween. We both wanted it to work so bad that we made it work and met up on weeknights. We lived less than a mile apart and it was still difficult to make our schedules work. It was hard.

I wonder if we would have worked out if we had spent more time developing our friendship and relationship instead of rushing because of my trip schedule. We had such a great physical connection… Jesus H. Christ I need to get laid, I’m getting all nostalgic about Bryan and forgetting our problems!!!

Girl.. don’t get me started on why he was wrong for me. Once we had pillow talk about universal health care and I couldn’t believe some of the things he was saying. I was TOTALLY sleeping with the enemy. He may dress like a liberal, but the comparisons end there! He was a libertarian in democrats clothing. Literally.

I’m sure you’re not reading this, Bryan. But if you are… don’t worry, I don’t miss you! I’m just horny. That’s evil, isn’t it? Well, at the tail end of our interactions, we both agreed to be "friends with benefits" because we couldn’t keep our hands off of eachother even though we agreed that we just DIDN’T get along. We pretended like we were both all mature and adult about it by being friends, but it was really ALL about the O. Oh well…

I have a work assignment due on Monday by noon and I figured I could work on it during the weekend. I felt too sick Fri/Sat to work so figured I would feel better today and could work on it. I’ve got a least 4-5 hours of work to finish the job so it’s okay to start on Sunday at 6 o’clock.

EXCEPT… I forgot that I reset my password to access my work computer from home and now I have NO way of accessing the files on my work computer! The password was sent to my work email account and I can’t access that–not even remotely from home throughthe web because I left outlook open at work and it’s downloading all messages…

This means that I’ll be at work by or before 7am monday morning. Or, this means I try to reconstruct work I’ve already done through the notes I brought home with me.

Either way–this SUCKS! AND… I’m still just as sick today as I was on Friday (if not worse!) I was up until 2am last night with a violent cough which woke me up at 7am… I’ve been sick for the last 2 weeks! I’m sick of being sick. Still, I’m pretty excited by other positive developments in my life… which I won’t divulge here.