coming out to my mom!
DISCLAIMER: This has nothing to do with the traditional "homo-coming-out-of-the-closet" story. it’s about being frank about my assumed-virginity to my die-hard catholic mom…. Contrary to my family’s belief, I’m not a lesbo (although sometimes I wish I was so I could just be all handy around the house and fix my kitchen cabinets and change the shower head with a wrench… I’m joking!)
My mom and I don’t talk much about anything that would make her think that I’m a bad catholic. We therefore NEVER discuss… <GASP> s-e-x.
When I started my period, she got all excited–but couldn’t tell me why. Imagine a heavy Mexican accent speaking: "jew harr ay vooman now!" (translate: "you are a woman now!" She screamed but wouldn’t tell me why I bled and had horrible cramps every month. I was confused, obviously, but at least from that point on, I had a reason to miss church once a month.
When I got boobs and a curvy behind, we had "The Talk." However, this was not your typical birds and bees story. You go to hell for having sex before marriage according to the Pope, God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost, Virgin Mary, and my mom, by default. She’s like Clarence Thomas, whatever the big guy says goes (for her, the Pope; for Thomas, Rehnquist and now Scalia/Roberts.)
ANYWAY, I’ll just skip to the American-English translation of her heavy-accented birds/bees talk: "Seconds of pleasure… AN ETERNITY OF PAIN!" (aw, what the hell, imagine heavy Mexican accent: "sea-conds ov pleh-shur… an ederniteeee ov PAIN!")
Now… tell me. She had 7 kids and 1 miscarriage, for seconds of pleasure? Does THAT make any sense?
back to my "coming out" about sex. Today I told her that I was serious about Bryan and that we get along together. I slipped up and told her that Bryan and I were really great physically (I think I said, to be exact, "good in bed")… ha! she got ALL silent and then asked, "Debbie, deed you have sex with Emad" (my first boyfriend in college who was the first boyfriend she ever met.) I told her yes. She asked if we used condoms and I told her yes. I told her that I would NEVER have his baby and she was silent.
Surprisingly enough, she didn’t balk, judge or complain. She just dealt with it because she had been in denial but I knew, secretly knew all along. It was out in the open and we actually had our first honest conversation about sex!!!
Then she turns around and tells me a secret about something else… that which I can not tell you here today! aha!
Anyway, I don’t think my mom thinks less of me. I’m 28 years old and haven’t lived in her home for over 10 years, so she doesn’t really have the ability to prevent my behavior or influence it, much. And, since she used the rhythm method (the rhythm being a kid every 2 years) she isn’t in a position to give me advice on contraception. Still, this is a HUGE breakthrough and I love her dearly for listening.
So I had this conversation AND I figured out (with Filip’s help) how to set up my dance dance revolution pad!!! What a great day!
October 18th, 2005 at 9:23 pm
This is kinda funny. My parents have NEVER talked to me about sex in the 26 years I’ve been alive. I guess they figured that since my dad’s a doctor, me and my siblings could just figure it out.
October 25th, 2005 at 7:26 am
Your mom didn’t freak out, I suspect, because, ultimately, she loves you. If she really had to do what her religion (supposedly) wants her to do, she’d be forced to choose between having you in her life knowing you live differently than the Pope says or never talking to you ever again. Who could face life without Debbie? Certainly not her mother.