Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

In time for Halloween… my list of scary things:

10) a negative balance in my bank account… eeeek!

9) my asshole next door neighbor leaving another note on my door! (more obnoxious than scary)

cavities… grrr! anything dentist related, really.

7) the Catholic Church… child molestations, anti-contraception/abortion stance, the Old Boy’s club, secret hand shakes and rituals, rampant cover ups and corruption from the Vatican… eeek!

6) Cheney and Rumsfeld and Rice… oh my! (oh and Bush too!) they have gone on for far too long! How the hell did they get elected for a second term after such shenanigans as "Tax Cuts for the Uber Wealthy," "Leave no Child Behind," "Sweet heart deals for Halliburton," and "Sadaam is best friends with Al Queda, so let’s bomb the Jesus out of ‘em" to name a few… as my good friend Roz says (who she heard from someone else in an effort to find some consolation):"you can’t go changing horsemen in the apocalypse." 

5) The potential for another Roberts on the Supreme Court… urgh. I hope she or he is neither ultra conservative (No Federalist Society leaders please), nor a "strict constructionist" (code for right-winger), nor anti-abortion…

4) bugs and insects, ooh… spiders! don’t tell me that shit doesn’t scare you!

3) Arnold Schwarzenegger–on his own, he’s pretty scary (and a total womanizing asshole) but because he’s THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA!!! THE MOST important state in the union (not JUST because that’s where I was born and raised but because of the strength of its economy, its rich diversity,  Hollyweird, and so much more)

2) Aggressive and pro-active anti-choice assholes who are in power. Especially if they’re against stem-cell research and sex education. Oh, and why don’t we also throw in creationists who are trying to put bibles in every school..

and finally, last but not least…

1) scary movies. everything trips me out. Even the dumbest spoof movies scare me. I have an active imagination. I watched the exorcist once and I couldn’t turn the lights out of my apartment for weeks…

The pendulum swings again! Last night’s misery is today’s happiness. I went for a run, so perhaps that’s what has changed my mood, you know, the whole "runners’ high" or exercise endorphins… anyway, I’m in a MUCH better mood. I’m looking forward to getting back into work, I’m hoping the Airborn vitamin pill will cure me of this allergicold (whatever the hell I have that’s making me hoarse and yucky in the morning.)

More reasons to be happy:

1) no matter what diet woes I have gaining a pound here and losing a pound there on my road to weight loss nirvana, I have lost a tremendous amount of weight in the year that I have been dieting… without surgery, gimmicks, fad diets, unhealthy pills, voodoo or hypnosis.

2) I no longer work at the feminist majority. great organization to support, toxic work environment in both offices.

3) I’m a liberal and I know I care about the world, its people and in something beyond my own personal gains.

4) I’m not a religious fanatic and I can think for myself.

5) I’m talented. I can play the harmonica and juggle. Not at the same time yet.

6) Cheney may be indicted (thanks Jessie!)

7) Delay is going down!

I saw Margaret Cho last night and got her to autograph my book "Debbie, Will you marry me? -Margaret"

9) I haven’t gotten drunk since my sister’s wedding on July 2nd.

10) I told my sensitive-hearing neighbor off two days ago about his stupid note!

11) I have a lot of friends who love and support me: Roz, Paul, Filip, Chris, Andreas, Spinach, Domingo, Heather, Brad, Jeannine, Natalie, Alison, Wendy, David, Sirena, Steve, Tos, Claudia,  Diego, Nisha, Jessie, Nohelia, Patty, Stacie, Mike (mofo)…

whoa… running late for work… gotta jet. don’t hate me if I missed you on that #11 list!

Friendster has so many glitches, one of which is my sporadic ability to post comments on my own blog. At any rate… I can’t respond to Jessie’s comment with a comment, so I’ll comment with a post!

Jessie–HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know it’s coming up, so I wanted to be the first to say it. Also, thanks for the good news and the positive spin on negative days from your momma (she’s always so smart about things, isn’t she? we heart her!)

I need some cheering up! Life is not fun for me right now:

***My DDR game pad is broken.

***I haven’t gone for a run in a week.

***It’s pissing down rain right now and will continue to rain through the High Heeled Races tomorrow…

***I stayed in bed and slept until noon (well, I did wake up at 6:30am to see my boyfriend off and woke up again at 9:30/10am to call into work and say I wasn’t coming in… too many comp days and fighting off a cold/allergies, not sure which one!)

****I just got off the phone with my boyfriend after a tense conversation and although we had an EXCELLENT day of fun together on Sunday, we’ve had a tumultuous past couple of days.

***I’m not sure if I have allergies or am fighting off a cold, either one, my body aches and feels as though I was working out and/or lifting weights the day before… AND I have a constant lump in my throat and have to clear my throat every 5 seconds.

***On a positive note, I’ve been running into old friends lately. Today I saw Heather @ Cosi and yesterday, ran into Gianni in the streets of DC. The good news is that I haven’t seen either of them in a long time and they both seem to think that I’ve lost a lot of weight. David and Wendy, who I haven’t seen in months, also agree.

Of course, there’s bad news: the bad news is that although I might have lost weight since I last saw them, I feel horribly about my diet currently. I thought I knew what I was doing, but according to MyFoodDiary.com, my interpretation of South Beach is not the best for saturated fats and sodium consumption. I wasn’t measuring things as closely as I should, the cheeses, meats, the fats, mayo and butter… so I don’t understand how my friends think I’m losing weight.  Myfooddiary.com is helping to get me back on track, diet-wise, but sometimes I feel as though it’s making things worse… Now I feel that with myfooddiary.com there’s always something watching, waiting for me to fuck up, eager to point out my weak will power and discipline. That’s not encouraging, is it?

My exercise is sporadic, some weeks I’m doing great and others I’m barely there, calling my 15 minute walk to work my "exercise for the day." I’m supposed to be running a 5K in January, but I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to running 2 miles without stopping. Sometimes I have zero energy and zero will power and I can’t train for a 5k unless I have energy and discipline to train for 5 weeks straight. Am I going through a total slump? I’m I being too critical? I *am* losing weight and I’m doing much better than ever before, but I could be doing better and losing weight faster. Am I obsessing? Perhaps I’m in my slump because of my allergies/cold. My travel schedule is over, although I work most of next weekend, I’m doing with traveling out of state! Perhaps I’ll get back on track quickly. What should I do?

Is he for reals? Typos are from the original letter. Any advice from lawyers out there? read on, this is ridiculous:

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To Unit xxx:

Last night late and today. A lot of noise seems to be coming from some kind of excerise or excercise machine.

It seems to be coming through your cement flooring and amplifying though my floor and wall. The noise is annoying and disturbing. This such noise is making me ill.

I’m now under doctors care, with diagnosis with hearth palpitations, hypertension, anxiety, insomnia and stress and it is very expensive and unhealthy.

I do exactly every thing in a matter so that I do not disturb you. i know that you do not hear me at all, because I respect my neighbors.

I have a very large stero speakers and a theater vision unit thats in my storage bin. I do not use these parts because they are noisy and will disturb my neighbors.

I tried expensive sound proff installations and it is not working. When you do not have regulation hard wood flooring or carpeting as by designed. all noise such as loud music, dropping and dragging. there is nothing to absorb the sounds, that will disturb other neighbors.

I was advised to turn this over to management and a attorney, but I thought we could talk this out without going thru these channels

Thanks,

#3xxx

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So i got my Dance Dance revolution and apparently it is the straw the broke the camels back. the hand delivered photo-copied letter came in an envelope with a photocopy of medical bills and the section of the condo by-laws about flooring.

DISCLAIMER: This has nothing to do with the traditional "homo-coming-out-of-the-closet" story. it’s about being frank about my assumed-virginity to my die-hard catholic mom….  Contrary to my family’s belief, I’m not a lesbo (although sometimes I wish I was so I could just be all handy around the house and fix my kitchen cabinets and change the shower head with a wrench… I’m joking!)

My mom and I don’t talk much about anything that would make her think that I’m a bad catholic. We therefore NEVER discuss… <GASP>  s-e-x.

When I started my period, she got all excited–but couldn’t tell me why. Imagine a heavy Mexican accent speaking: "jew harr ay vooman now!" (translate: "you are a woman now!" She screamed but wouldn’t tell me why I bled and had horrible cramps every month. I was confused, obviously, but at least from that point on, I had a reason to miss church once a month.

When I got boobs and a curvy behind, we had "The Talk." However, this was not your typical birds and bees story. You go to hell for having sex before marriage according to the Pope, God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost, Virgin Mary, and my mom, by default.  She’s like Clarence Thomas, whatever the big guy says goes (for her, the Pope; for Thomas, Rehnquist and now Scalia/Roberts.)

ANYWAY, I’ll just skip to the American-English translation of her heavy-accented birds/bees talk: "Seconds of pleasure… AN ETERNITY OF PAIN!" (aw, what the hell, imagine heavy Mexican accent: "sea-conds ov pleh-shur… an ederniteeee ov PAIN!")

Now… tell me. She had 7 kids and 1 miscarriage, for seconds of pleasure? Does THAT make any sense?

back to my "coming out" about sex. Today I told her that I was serious about Bryan and that we get along together. I slipped up and told her that Bryan and I were really great physically (I think I said, to be exact, "good in bed")… ha! she got ALL silent and then asked, "Debbie, deed you have sex with Emad" (my first boyfriend in college who was the first boyfriend she ever met.) I told her yes. She asked if we used condoms and I told her yes. I told her that I would NEVER have his baby and she was silent.

Surprisingly enough, she didn’t balk, judge or complain. She just dealt with it because she had been in denial but I knew, secretly knew all along. It was out in the open and we actually had our first honest conversation about sex!!!

Then she turns around and tells me a secret about something else… that which I can not tell you here today! aha!

Anyway, I don’t think my mom thinks less of me. I’m 28 years old and haven’t lived in her home for over 10 years, so she doesn’t really have the ability to prevent my behavior or influence it, much. And, since she used the rhythm method (the rhythm being a kid every 2 years) she isn’t in a position to give me advice on contraception. Still, this is a HUGE breakthrough and I love her dearly for listening.

So I had this conversation AND I figured out (with Filip’s help) how to set up my dance dance revolution pad!!! What a great day!

I’m off to Florida for work tomorrow (Friday). I’ve worked the last 3 out of 4 weekends and now I have 2 more weekends of working and traveling away from DC–cue violins!

This has definitely put a strain on my relationships: Bri keeps texting me and leaving voice mails complaining about being MIA, my staff notice that I’m considerable tired during meetings and at the office, I can’t concentrate on work because of being tired of work, my bills have piled up, I’m getting sick. I’ve been breaking plans with friends. Wendy (of the brownie fame) hates me because we made plans that I didn’t follow through on.  Everyone (including my family) thinks I’m dead. All of the gay community thinks I’ve moved back to LA… heheheh

Diego tried to get in touch with me in between one international trip to the next and I missed him! Yaniv called me from Israel and I never called him back! Steve keeps blowing electronic kisses or smiles or whatever the fuck my way to no avail. Tos thinks I’m dead. Chris, Nisha, Filip, Stacie, Brian, Claudia, Peepers, Elisa, Emily, Spinach, HEATHER, Mariam… I swear to God when work calms down I’ll be seeing you soon!

I will have a Dance Dance Revolution party at my house in November or December! STAY TUNED!

In the meantime, let’s hope I can keep it together until after the travel ends in November…

*ps* you know work is going crazy when that’s all you can blog about! aargh!

I took Monday off from work because of sheer exhaustion. I had worked every weekend for practically the entirety of September and had been working late nights at work. While I was home, I watched Office Space–a most hilarious movie epitomizing the common horrors of a banal and inefficient workplace.

The anti-hero lead character asked of his friends, "if you had a million dollars, what would you do?" Basically, asking, if money wasn’t an issue, what kind of job would you have? In the end, the anti-hero ends up working in construction. Sometimes I ask myself, would i have more fun doing something COMPLETELY different?

Right now I’m in the middle of doing really banal special events work–the bane of my work right now. I love everything else about my job but dealing with fundraisers. I think if I finally took a course in it and became an expert I would enjoy it more–I’m easy. I like to do work that I’m good at. Heck, I once LOVED math because it was formulaic, predictable and I had the education and training. I just need to be good at something and not a Jill of all trades.

What would YOU do for work if you had a million dollars and money wasn’t an issue? (and don’t answer "two girls at the same time," like the neighbor in the movie!)

I love LOVE love EXERCISING! I have learned that there isn’t anything I like in life more than exercising. Breaking a sweat feels sooooo GOOD. I like going on trips for work because I can try out a new hotel gym. I love running in different cities. I’m on a total exercise high right now.

I wish I had time to run a mile every day. I run every other day. If I were able to get to sleep by 10:00pm I could wake up and exercise like mad. I was in Atlanta for work and instead of going into the city, I was so EXCITED about the 3 story gym next door with its indoor track, that I spent 2 and a half hours exercising instead of exploring this new city (I’ve never been to Atlanta before).

I wish I could go into work at noon so I would have 3 hours to exercise. It feels so good to run down a hill and so great to finish running up one. I love the feeling of being sore the day after a workout. Crunches make me happy. I’m going NUTS!

Also, if you want to track your weight, calories, body size and carb/protein/fat intake, you HAVE GOT TO JOIN: MyFoodDiary.com. It’s so great! Today I learned that I don’t drink enough water, I eat a high fiber diet (v. good) and that I eat a little too much saturated fat in my diet (12% of calories, should be  9% or less).

I’m going to the dentist on Weds morning and will go for an annual exam soon. I’m totally on the road to body/health recover and I’m so excited! I normally lose A LOT of weight and exercise more in the winter because I sleep earlier (shorter days, longer nights… confuses my brain) and I wake up earlier and therefore, get more exercise in. Also, the winter is cold, so i spend less time with friends and more time at the condo bldg gym.

all of this is to say that I’m going to be a workout NAZI! alright! I’m still signed up for the Disney 5K on jan 6th, so that’s something to work towards too! yeah me!

I spent all day long sorting out my receipts in a desperate attempt to find medical bills that I can put towards my flex account. Basically, I have a benefit at work where I get a certain amount taken from my wage, pre-tax, designated for medical bills. I get reimbursed for the bills and basically I save on paying taxes on my meds. If that doesn’t make sense, I apologize! I’m horrible at understanding and explaining money matters, but I actually understand this (although perhaps not well enough to articulate it). ANYWAY…

blah blah blah… all of that is to say that I was forced to go through my bills and I NOW FINALLY UNDERSTAND where all my money goes. Half of my monthly salary goes to mortgage (both) and condo fees, the other half goes to:

1. Dining out (dinner/lunch and occasional brunch)
2. credit card bills
3. Clothes, accessories, make up
4. random crap (travel, fun shit, cabs, random recreation, home decor)

But really. I have spent a SHIT LOAD of money on dining out! NO MORE! I will only go out to eat ONCE a week. This is my new rule and I’m sticking to it. I will eat south beach bars if I can’t fix a meal on the run. That’s it. full-stop.

I have single-handedly kept Dupont Italian Kitchen and Vicino’s (silver spring) from going under! how sad, no? But they both have great salads (DIK=tomato and mozzarella salad and Vicino’s tuna salad is the bomb~!)

These are the random thoughts that keep me awake at night.