What is the point of life?
To be happy? What does that mean?
To be rich? to not worry about ever becoming homeless or in jail or killed?
I used to drink to pass time because I didn’t want to live. I mean, I didn’t want to experience life. I wanted to live but the current life I was living wasn’t good enough and I figured that I could drink to pass time and that over time something would stumble onto my lap that would make life better and worth being conscious for.
I thought that over time I would figure out what I really wanted to do in life… I know what I’m good at (everything but writing) and I know what I enjoy doing (talking to people, schmoozing, making people laugh, helping people, pissing of the Right-Wing, teaching and empowering people, promoting progressive causes…) but I have no idea EXACTLY what I want to do.
Oddly enough, that VH1 show BLOW OFF triggered these thoughts. The main character Jonathan is 36 years old, heading towards a major peak in his career and is rich and happy. Why? because he’s doing what he wants to do, CUTTING HAIR! Did your mom ever tell you that you should go cut hair for a living?
My family was poor, I’m the youngest of 7, and my mom told me that I was her last hope for wealth and security. "Debbie–PLEASE become a doctor or lawyer. YOU ARE SUCH A SMART GIRL, Debbie. Do something with yourself. Debbie, DON’T TRY TO BE A COMEDIAN. Please Debbie." If you knew how I imitate my mom, you would be in stitches. Anyway, I was completely discouraged to follow my dreams… I wanted to be around people and to perform… I didn’t care how, but comedy seemed to be my forte. I feel bad because she’s so old and tired and still working to make ends meet. I could have saved her, but now that I haven’t, shouldn’t I at least try to live my life?
I’m in a half-ass position of doing something stable, but not really my dreams and not really my moms.
I’m enjoying my job now, I’ve learned a lot, I’m making a difference, I’m working with people, but it’s not quite right. I used to think that I might find a place for me in non-profs. I’m really good at organizing and I’m moving into fundraising, but I’m wasting the prime of my life passively hoping that I’ll find my dream in a circumstance.
I need to find my ovaries and strike out and follow my dreams. Leaving feminist majority foundation was a start. Their dysfunctional mismanagement style and crisis-workplace environment almost killed me. They really helped to drive me into an alcoholic stupor to get through horrible stress levels.
I’m not drinking so now I have to deal with the life I have now. what next… ?
July 27th, 2005 at 9:56 pm
Would you rather be happy or rich? There’s always this typical aspiration to be rich and wealthy and successful in our western society - and we set ourselves apart in classes and levels of success. There’s too much pressure to join this economic bandwagon.
Society these days is just all progress, progress, progress! we all simply have to be so competitive in this culture - that there’s no longer space for family, communication or intimacy.
Follow your dreams, whatever they may be, if it is to make people laugh - so be it, if it is to help people, so be it- I’m sure you can do both at the same time.
Better to have lived a full and happy life than a overtly productive and material one.
July 28th, 2005 at 2:14 pm
I’d say while it’s never to late to follow your dreams. it is also not too late to find your dream as well. Everyone deserves the right to be happy. Search for what makes you happy. When you find it, do it.
I know it’s not that easy as those goofy lines make it sound. But I believe it’s true.
Bill
July 29th, 2005 at 8:54 am
hey there, maybe you would raise an eyebrow coz we really are strangers to each other. i was just touched by your post. we share the same dilemma that’s why…we’re also poor. i’m the eldest in the family, i have 3 younger sibblings. basically im the breadwinner…im a civil engineer but that’s not what i want to be. i want to be a writer…but i guess that’s what life is meant to be - SACRIFICES…you said in your post you want to help other people. that only shows you have a good heart…niweiz never ever forget this, “helping others brings true happiness”…God bless you in your struggle…you’ll soon be able to chase that elusive dream,just trust in him.
July 29th, 2005 at 2:00 pm
I accidentally came across your website and just wanted to tell you that it’s NOT TOO LATE!! Just get to it, girl. I can tell you from experience, that if you don’t go after your dream, it’ll kind of always be your shadow following you around and you won’t ever truly be at peace.
Anyway, good luck.
PS. I think you mean “Blow Out.” really love that show
July 30th, 2005 at 1:40 am
Course its not too late, only too late when you’re DEAD! Lemme tell you, I come from a family of progress and success and competitiveness (I’m Chinese, but I sure don’t act like a typical Chinese :P). Thing is - I’m nothing like my family; my family consists of people whose minds conquer their life and rules over their heart; I’ve taken on a different path, and between my heart and my mind, my heart speaks loudest - for they also speak the truest words. Unfortunately, I’m a person whose heart and mind doesn’t work well together - well, not in my environment, thats for sure.
Funny how a handful of us strangers from around the world will come to give you their opinion - but at the end of the day, it’s your life; live it your way, you don’t have to be like anything but yourself (and you don’t even have to take it from me!).
All the best to you,
From a Stranger to Another.
M.
July 30th, 2005 at 6:20 am
Thanks for your advice… I’m still as confused as EVER!
July 30th, 2005 at 11:49 am
Debbie…I feel you on that parental pushing bit. When I was growing up, my dad always told me “Andrew, one person from every generation of the Farmer family is always a PhD.” Well, I’m not a PhD, I have desire to become a PhD, and my siblings SURE as heck aren’t going for theirs. So sorry dad…I loved what you had to say in your entry though. It was thought-provoking enough for me to rip off your topic, and even the TITLE for your entry. Good luck figuring life out.
July 30th, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Debbie ~ I can just imagine what your mom would look and sound like as she’s saying those words to you. In the end, you have to do what makes YOU happy. If what makes YOU happy makes her happy - great. If not, it’s your life and you have to live it…..you can’t live your life for your mom. I know how hard that must be since parents always want the best for their children.
Is money and success important to you? If so, you have to figure out the best way(s) to attain happiness, success, and financial security - balance is everything. If money is not important to you, then do what makes you happy and allows you to get by. The bottom line is…….we don’t get a second chance to live life!
August 1st, 2005 at 12:03 am
One thing for sure… don’t spend too much time thinking.
There’s nothing to figure out about life. You’ll know what it’s all about - everytime you simply live it.