Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

I figured out why I drink so much…

I had this really oppressive boyfriend in college and when I broke up with him had to drink to feel comfortable in bars, clubs or anywhere that I could potentially meet someone. Why? Because that boyfriend made me think that even the "good ones" (well I thought he was good, anyway) that even the liberal, smart, and "together" guys were insane and fucked up. This ex-boyfriend slowly took my life over, eventually dictating where we went, who we met up with, what "our" idea of fun was, and made me feel 2 feet tall and completely worthless.

After I broke up with him, I was so afraid of straight guys that I had to drink to get over it. I met John, a *great* boyfriend who was the reverse of the oppressor, but I was so used to using alcohol as a crutch for problems that I kept on drinking because of new stresses–this time from working at a horribly managed and abusive non-profit (all my feminists in the house know which I’m talking about). So I kept drinking and drinking to resolve my problems.

I haven’t been to AA yet, and those of you who read that last post on "the worst day of my life" aka my sister’s wedding where I was escorted out of the reception hall via an ambulance (and that’s the TIP of the iceberg), know why I would be going to AA… well, actually. Now the cat’s out of the bag! Oh well. Call me if you want to hear the excrutiating details. I’ve learned my lesson–NO MORE DRINKING EVER AGAIN. Not until I learn to deal with my problems without fake crutches!

Now I’m going on dating websites (because I can’t meet people through bars and clubs without temptation) and will test the waters this week and next by meeting up with straight guys one-on-one… we shall see!

so I just got back from a horrendous family vacation in California. Why horrendous? For the following reasons:

1) jumping in to save my sister’s disastrously disorganized wedding as her own personal (and free) wedding organizer; this wouldn’t be so bad, if I was either a) paid for it or b) wasn’t forced to stay up until 3:30 am both nights before her wedding due to her lack of ability to prioritize during the day. At the end of the tirp, I was wishing I was back at work where I would have been getting paid for special events organizing and would have worked less insane hours!

2) Also horrible was the fact that I spent so much money on the whole thing: 240 airfare, 200 for the ugly bridesmaid gown, 200-300 dollars on her wedding costs (eg: program copy and assembly, supplies, etc.,)

3) The bitterest moment was when I ended up in the ER for alcohol poisoning after the wedding. I had posted about it before but had to take it down because it was really revealing and I didn’t need to further torture myself through public humiliation (also, I was getting blackmail threats!)

4)The vacation was also horrendous in that for the last third of it I spent going through the growing pains of learning from the drunk ER experience. Also, the sadness of having to apologize to all family and friends who saw the drunken behaviour leading up to the ER…

So now that I’m back, everything has changed. I told myself that i wasnt’ EVER going to drink, I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things and wake up early, go to the gym and be more efficient at work. I’m going to clear the clutter out of my life, including toxic people! I’m also planning on looking into going back to school (what, I don’t know) and start dating! Oh, and i’m going to have to go to AA meetings and stay the focused!

Sandra Day O’Connor steps down before Rehnquist? Who knew? and who would anticipate that she would do this before the 4th of July throwing a monkeywrench into  holiday plans for all political activists on most social issues "busy" … alas!

Roe vs. Wade (late-term abortions in Stenberg vs. Carhart),  Affirmative Action (U of Michigan vs. Asshole racist white supremicts… I mean, Grutter v. Bollinger), seperation of church in state (remember when they wanted to sanction prayer before high school sporting games in some god forsaken state in the South?)

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/02/politics/politicsspecial1/02oconnor.html?hp&ex=1120363200&en=41c5d3c6a52abe4d&ei=5094&partner=homepage

All I can say is… FUCK! There goes legal abortion. You know Bush is going to nominate an anti-choicer (his top 3 possibilities, including one Mexican-sigh, are antichoice). Then Democrats will fillibuster and the republicans will go nuclear. That compromise between moderates/centrists is going straight out the window on this one…