Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

So I’ve been dating these guys I met through dating websites, meeting up with them on MY turf (gayborhood bars or cafes) and *still* having a hard time. I’m not used to straight people. I’m so submerged in gays that I think, gay until proven straight. In order for me to be full reintroduced and assimilated into straight society, I thought I would date guys and deal with breeders, one at a time.

Well tonight I took the plunge. It’s 2am and I just came back from a straight club. I SURVIVED WITHOUT A DRIP OF ALCOHOL. It was hard at first because I went with gay bf Gianni who brought his brother.

Here’s why his brother spelled trouble: once last winter while a little intoxicated, I made out with his brother at my house. This time, his brother was the drunk one and making passes the entire time. He’s nice and everything, but I was already apprehensive about testing my sobriety in such a frightening place–a STRAIGHT CLUB.

In tense situations, I used to drink to feel better, more comfortable. Straight clubs (with all their nasty men, hootchie girls, and bad music) makes me want to get rip-roaring-too-drunk-to-be-aware-of-surroundings-DRUNK. I knew that this club, Ozio, would be a test. But who knew that I would be pushed to the limits of my will-power–Gianni’s brother kept offering me drinks, pushed a bottle up to my lips when I wasn’t paying attention and kept making passes… grrrr!

But I survived. This isn’t the most interesting post, but it does show that I’m moving in the right direction and hopefully, able to get over this drinking thing.

To be happy? What does that mean?

To be rich? to not worry about ever becoming homeless or in jail or killed?

I used to drink to pass time because I didn’t want to live. I mean, I didn’t want to experience life.  I wanted to live but the current life I was living wasn’t good enough and I figured that I could drink to pass time and that over time something would stumble onto my lap that would make life better and worth being conscious for.

I thought that over time I would figure out what I really wanted to do in life… I know what I’m good at (everything but writing) and I know what I enjoy doing (talking to people, schmoozing, making people laugh, helping people, pissing of the Right-Wing, teaching and empowering people, promoting progressive causes…) but I have no idea EXACTLY what I want to do.

Oddly enough, that VH1 show BLOW OFF triggered these thoughts. The main character Jonathan is 36 years old, heading towards a major peak in his career and is rich and happy. Why? because he’s doing what he wants to do, CUTTING HAIR! Did your mom ever tell you that you should go cut hair for a living?

My family was poor, I’m the youngest of 7, and my mom told me that I was her last hope for wealth and security. "Debbie–PLEASE become a doctor or lawyer. YOU ARE SUCH A SMART GIRL, Debbie. Do something with yourself. Debbie, DON’T TRY TO BE A COMEDIAN. Please Debbie." If you knew how I imitate my mom, you would be in stitches. Anyway, I was completely discouraged to follow my dreams… I wanted to be around people and to perform… I didn’t care how, but comedy seemed to be my forte. I feel bad because she’s so old and tired and still working to make ends meet. I could have saved her, but now that I haven’t, shouldn’t I at least try to live my life?

I’m in a half-ass position of doing something stable, but not really my dreams and not really my moms.

I’m enjoying my job now, I’ve learned a lot, I’m making a difference, I’m working with people, but it’s not quite right. I used to think that I might find a place for me in non-profs. I’m really good at organizing and I’m moving into fundraising, but I’m wasting the prime of my life passively hoping that I’ll find my dream in a circumstance.

I need to find my ovaries and strike out and follow my dreams. Leaving feminist majority foundation was a start. Their dysfunctional mismanagement style and crisis-workplace environment almost killed me. They really helped to drive me into an alcoholic stupor to get through horrible stress levels.

I’m not drinking so now I have to deal with the life I have now. what next… ?

I never single out friends, but I had the most fun ever yesterday with my friend Chris (and this isn’t the one who dated Paul, though I love him dearly too!)

I had to go to Loudoun county Virginia for work yesterday… urgh. When I got back into the city, I called Chris to see how he was doing (he had been down in the dumps). We met up at Dupont Circle and had coffee and snacks at Cosi south. It was a gorgeous day out so we decided against my original plan to watch an indie movie at the south side cinema. We ended up hanging out at Olson’s for a bit before heading to his house to read and lay around. We ended up watching this hilarious film about circuit parties and my friend Filip came over to laugh with us.

Filip left and we went to Hank’s, where we got seated in a RECORD-BREAKING 3 minutes (originally, we were told that it would be 45 minutes to an hour!) Thanks to JB and some of my famous velvet-rope tricks.

The food was really good, and over the course of an hour (or 2?), talked a lot about life and deep personal issues. It was crazy! It made me think that counseling could be really good for me. But how can I share my feelings with a counselor, someone I don’t know anything about (like some of you reading this, ha!)

Chris is one of the rare people in my life that I feel REALLY comfortable around. I don’t need to impress him, I don’t ever think I’ll be judged—he’s really open-minded. It makes me think that I should really focus my time and energy on developing connections with those who make me feel comfortable about myself and less with those that make me feel guilty and bad (you know who you are!) Why must I insist on meeting new friends and dividing my time between 40+ people, of whom 1/2 are newly made friendships?  One word: ADHD.

I organized a petition drive with MoveOn.org at Dupont Circle today. It was last minute but I had a good team of 6-7 folks on a Thursday afternoon (one couple brought their 3 toddlers and the mom of these kids petitioned THE ENTIRE TIME with a kid on her back and one in her arms! GO HER!)

Here’s what I learned: MoveOn has GOT to do something about the apathy that exists amongst liberals on the topic of John Roberts. They’re rolling over and playing dead. They don’t even want to spend one second signing a petition because they don’t believe it will make a difference. If enough apathetic liberals sit in silence, we won’t be heard! This gives a green light to dems that they can get away with making a politically strategic move (supporting Bush’s pick).

I have petitioned all around the country on topics that are harder to sell in soundbites… and I’ve *never* petitioned so hard in my life and in an hour (IN DUPONT!) I could only muster up 100 petitions. Of course, Dupont is now Georgetown East (all breeders and babies)  AND I ran into a whole lotta folks coming out of an AFJ coalition meeting who thought they were too good to sign a petition. F that. I don’t care if they’re organizing a f’ing March Against Roberts, everybody from the roots to the grasstops gotta sign that shiznit! Just because you’re spending night and day pouring your energy into it doesn’t mean you can’t stop for three seconds and be heard in this simple way!

I may be optimistic, but even if we don’t have a ice pop’s chance in hell, what will we tell our children when Roe v Wade is overturned? "Uh. Well, I couldn’t do anything about it" F THAT. At least try biotches. Here’s where you sign.

Just ranting.

-Debbie

*PS* My friend Roz moved to the Left Coast and says her life is LESS GAY IN SAN FRAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have really gone downhill as a nation when frisco is gettin’ all consumer and straight-like…

*PPPPS* I’ve been to a number of bars and clubs and haven’t had a drink since July 2nd. I’m actually growing a distaste for the whole thing! I actually enjoy looking at my wallet and knowing where the money went! I can also justify my $10 cab fair home because hey, I didn’t spend 40 bucks on booze, what’s 10 bucks?

All pictures below demonstrate my capacity to have fun and be sober!

it’s:

John J. Roberts…

-clerked for Rehnquist
-anti-choice
-wants to overturn Roe v. Wade
-opposed by Naral for being actively anti-choice
-opposed by Alliance for Justice for over-stepping bounds on affirmative action case

What happens if Roe v. wade is overturned? Abortion will not be rendered law of the land, but left up to states. At least 13 states have abortion as a criminal act with Roe vs. Wade nullifying these laws. Basically, conservative states like Texas will see women leaving their state to get abortion in other states. Women will be confused as to what services will be available to them. Abortion providers will have to close shop and set up camp on the border of the state or at a nearby state where it’s legal by state rule.

It’s 32+ years of progress completely reversed.

We’re turning back the clock… reversing so much work and progress…

Call your senator to show your opposition to this nomination. Demand a No vote, and a fillibuster if need be…

If you’re a girl and agree with at least 3 of the following statements below, then please join MY NEW friendster group:http://www.friendster.com/group/tabmain.php?statpos=mygroup&gid=24736

*ps* I made this shit up, I didn’t steal it from the web… if you steal it, you owe me a drink (diet coke, *sniff*…)

————————-

1) You know that Tina is not some girl your friends are obsessed with.

2) You have at least 3 friends named Chris.

3) You know at least 1 person who works at the Gap.

4) You go into a club and get felt up at least 10 times… while standing in line with your friends.

5) You go to a GAY alcoholics anonymous because you refuse to interact with straighties.

6) Pride is bigger and more important than Christmas.

7) Gay Days is your Mecca.

You know enough gay men to start your own "business."

9) You have at least 5 gay "Paul" entries in your cell phone addressbook.

10) All of your friends claim to be "versatile." (extra points if you know what a power bottom is).

11) You dress up because you know your boys will scold you if you don’t (especially when you don’t wear makeup).

12) Karen from Will and Grace is a personal idol that you strive to be one day!

13) you know what the radical faeries are all about.

14) You know why you hate LOGCABIN republicans

15) you know that HRC is scared of calling themselves gay and "really good on transgender issues" (sarcasm here on the latter)

16) You have a love/hate relationship with showtunes

17) You find yourself scheduling your plans around your friend’s gym schedule

18) Your get more action with boys at gay clubs than half of you friends

19) At least one of your ex-boyfriends has come out of the closet

20) You were in theatre in high school or college

————————-
DC BASED:
————————–

1) You know what the drink specials are at Jr’s (or insert popular gay bar) for at least two nights of the week.

2) You know not to go to Chaos on Wednesday night.

3) You know NEVER to miss Madonnarama at Velvet.

4) You know that you’ need to get semi-drunk in order to enjoy a meal out on 17th and R.

5) People confuse you with Elena (or insert other local famous fag-hag).

6) You know that Taint is organized by a man who enjoys wearing unitards..

7) You know what Hot Chocolate nights are at Wet.

When you walk into 30 degrees and make eye contact with Jason, you know your appletini will be waiting by the bar before you get there.

9) You’re the token girl in the "scene" section of Metroweekly at least once

10) You end up at Omega’s only because you’re too drunk to walk from Apex to anywhere else but you know with satisfaction that no matter how drunk you get you’ll never end up at the Fireplace.

11) you know why people drink at Fox and Hounds!

12) you love the dupont high heeled race.

13) you’ll never ever go to the crew club, even if all of your friends meet up three

14) You’ve had a bitch published in the "bitches" section of the blade

15) You know that you’ve hit rock bottom when you find yourself drinking at Windows.

16) You know why they call it, the "Green Latrine"

I COULD GO ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most people will get offended to be called a troll. However, most of you are trolls. Why? Confused? Let me explain.  I  recently learned from my good friend Nisha (a recent LA implant, er, transplant to DC) anyway, Nisha’s sister Shelli reads my blog. As do many more of my friends (NOHELIA!) and others, without leaving a comment. I believe that people who lurk and are too shy to post comments are called Trolls, right?

I’m only writing this to pressure you to post on this blog. I’m sharing some deep dark secrets, come on! Just post something. Seriously, Shelli-belly, Nohelia and the rest–You’re not trolls! I’m just being a brat because I want more comments. I love Tos, Steve, Young, Alex and everybody else who posted responses EXCEPT FOR THAT IGNORANT ASS REPUBLI-CUNT (yes, I spelled it that way for extra emphasis).

Oh, and back to life: I just got off the phone with the Italian stallion and we’re going to go out on Wednesday. I don’t know why he wants to go out again, but I figured the first date might have sucked because we were both awkward as it was a weird match.com date thingee. Or something.

I’m also going out with this "photojournalist" with CNN or CBS. I called him Saturday night at 4am (making decisions influenced by the natural high of clubbing!) and he was drunk! It was HILARIOUS. I was laying in bed with Jerry and chatting up a storm with this photojournalist (although I was kind of trippin out because he kept asking me to "leave them behind and meet up with me!" is he kidding? it was 4 in the am!)

Okay. gotta go to sleep so I can attempt to go to the gym tomorrow mornin. Must train for Disney Marathon (the half, not full, sillies!)

Last night I went to Nation with my friends from Orlando. Don, Jerry, Ralph, Matthew, and Don’t boyfriend Adam (who’s only 18 years old). We stopped by my place to eat some sweet delicious brownies and drink. I didn’t drink anything, but the others had vanilla stoli on the rocks and corona. We cabbed over to the SE and immdiately started dancing in the big room. The theme was TRIBAL, so the music was great (tribal house) and the dance floor was half packed, so plenty of space to move and dance.

I was immediately hit on by this scary tall euro-trashy guy who was super tall, with dark hair and blue/grey eyes. he was so drunk he looked like a zombie… SCARY!

This blog has no point, so I’ll end here.

I’m hanging out with my friend Don who I met and became b/f w/ in orlando during gay days. he drove down with a car full of fabulous homos. I went to Taiphoon with Don,  his Orlando posse, plus Filip and another local friend of Don’s entourage. It was fun, but II had to explain to them my whole drinking situation and what happened at my sister’s wedding.  Afterwards, I told them I had to go home and change, but secretly, I wanted to escape from pre-drinks. I knew that they would go back to their hotel with lots of booze…

Now I’m at home and would love to go to sleep and leave them all hanging. they plan on going to Cobalt and a gay strip join in the SE (Secrets or Wet). Been there done that. I love these new guys, but I don’t want to test my will power…

what will I do?

I’m going to lay in bed and try to fall asleep. if they call and wake me up, then I go and test my will power. They ALL know that I shouldn’t drink. Let’s see what happens.

Will write about it tomorrow. In the meantime, post your comments as to where you think I’ll be tonight:

a) at home, in bed. where a good girl should be

b) at cobalt and wet, sober

c) at cobalt and wet, trashed off my ass

d) at cobalt and wet, trashed off my ass and then to some random guy’s house (JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!)

Okay… ante up… bets are on.

So in my attempt to revamp my life into something more meaningful, I started using online dating sites! I know, I know. I’m totally lame.

I’m on Match.com, ActforLove.org (an amalgam of The Onions ads, Salon.com, and others), and DemocraticMatch.com (thanks Alison).

I went on a date earlier tonight (Thurs.) with this guy who I had not a lot in common with. His profile was really generic and I think he didn’t really know what he was getting into either: he told me on the phone when we were planning it to remind me what he looked like and that he thought I didn’t have pictures… I have 10 pictures on this specific site! ONce we met he told me that the reason he messaged me originally was because of my picture… pshaw!

he’s an italian from italy, naples to be precise. He was much cuter than in his photos and I’ll admit that this was the main reason I went out with him. Oh, and because I need more practice dating straight guys and feeling comfortable w/out booze!

He asked why I moved to DC when all my family is in Socal and when I said for politics, he responded, "I want nothing to do with politics. I dont’ want to read about it and I don’t like to talk about it." My jaw dropped. That date was over.

Luckily for me I had chosen Dupont gay-cosi on 17/Connecticut for the date and  texted my friends a half hour before in anticipation of a short and awkward date. I just KNEW that it would end as quickly as we had planned it.

The whole hour we sat there was awkward and uncomfortable. I couldn’t understand his strong italian accent at parts and he couldn’t understand my obsession with gays (I had to explain where I stood on this matter and be upfront right away). still, he kept insisting that we meet up next week and stay in touch. He asked why I wouldn’t give him my email and why I left our communication through Match.com. I caved and wrote it on a napkin. I know he won’t call because he’s not so good on the phone, so by giving him my email I guess I was sending a green light that it was okay to continue meeting up…?

As we said goodbye, we did it with a HANDSHAKE! hahaha he still wants to meet up! he’s really really cute. I don’t know, what should i do? heheheh I know what i have to do.  I have a couple more dates lined up for tomorrow and the weekend…

Oh and one more thing (you’ll be proud of me): I went to Cobalt on Thursday night and had a diet coke! I gave my number to jason, the hot straight bartender who used to have my appletinis on the bar like pavlov’s dog when he saw me come throught he door. Jason is nice (and cute!) and I think I might give him a tarot reading…