Tails of a 17th Street Geisha

I feel a bit run down. I don’t know what my problem is. Even with my closest friends, I can’t express myself and how I feel.

I spent a couple of hours last night in my sister’s hot tub with my best friend Bri. We spoke a lot and I can tell her anything, but yet I would rather listen to her go on and on about her problems then discuss mine. She’s fun, I trust her, and I know she wouldn’t judge me and listen fully… but…

I don’t think I’ve expressed a serious emotion with anyone–even myself. I would rather ignore it and move on or feel it, but not think too much about it. I can complain, express happiness, talk shit about others, feel physical pain, but I can’t express sadness, fears or complex emotional issues that plague me. I’m too afraid of being vulnerable.

I have never told anyone a word. I think it’s funny that my rising sign is cancer because it’s very true. I have a very hard shell and inside a very soft underbelly that no one sees but a few (if any) that are close and who I trust. This means no one now.

How do I get over this?

I have 6 other brothers and sisters, each with their fucking quirks and annoying idiosyncrasies. I know what my quirks are–I’m obnoxious as hell because I make fun of people to their face and sometimes blurt out uncomfortable truths at inopportune moments. Case in point, sitting around a table with my guilt-tripping pretentious sister "E", her hubby and kids and another sister "A"., one of their kids tells me that her mom ("E") thinks I don’t like her. To which I respond aloud to all  at the table, "that’s because she’s insecure and thinks that nobody likes her."  I don’t really think it was obnoxious, but we all sat in awkward silence trying to figure out how to move on to the next topic and ignore my obnoxious ass.

Anyway, where was i? Oh yeah. So I’m in California and have spent several days at my sister "J’s" house. We’ve all been spending time together in preparation for her wedding. J’s freaking out because of the wedding. She snaps for no reason and she fights with her fiance sporadically over the smallest things. I don’t know, she’s tense, but she seems to like to pick a fight.

Which is the complete opposite of my sister "A" who does EVERYTHING to avoid a fight and when you get mad at her, she feels (and looks) so guilty that you can’t even be mad at her.

Then there’s "S" (I have 4 sisters and 2 brothers). "S" is so wrapped up in herself and sooooo full of drama, that if you look at her wrong she’ll be pissed off with you all day long and make huge gestures to show you that she’s ignoring you.

At least my mom is normal. Actually, if you knew anything about my mom or heard me talk about her (or imitate her) you would think she’s crazy too. She’s lots of fun until she starts telling me to put my legs together and cover up, calling me "desoluta" ("slut") in spanish because of my cleavage.

Will I survive until July 5th? Why do I want to go home already? At least I can go swimming in the pool and their kids are pretty fun. Oh, and the weather is quite nice in Los Angeles. I’m sure people are broiling in DC!

It’s 1:42am and I’m at Spinach Dips apartment. I just got hit on by a weird irish guy who kept saying over and over again, "just relax." I went partying tonight because my Supershuttle is picking me up at 3;45 am and I need to waste time and stay awake. I was at work until 10:30pm so that also makes me tired. My boss was so tired, he was making the funniest jokes.

I went to Jr’s. By the way, if I told you, I was barred from Jr’s during pride but now I’m not. Thank GOD! I hate Jr’s but it’s good to be able to go there from time to time when I wanna. It sucks, but I love two of the bartenders there who give me free drinks.

So I was at Cobalt with my friends, Spinach Dip, Paul Vetsch, Brad, Lena Let, Matthew, Eric, and more. I was hit on by two gay boys who I think were bored. They both bought me drinks. And like I said, one was really weird who kept telling me how hot i was and how I should keep relaxing. "relax" "okay, relax" I know he got my drinks, but there is only so much I can put up with–he was weird.

Anyway, I partied in Baltimore with Spinach dip’s boyfriend Chris. He is so cute. I’ll put his picture up one day.

Okay. let’s be real here. let’s be serious. I’m drunk, but there’s somethign else going on. I’m partying with homos. I’m still a fag hag. I’m still ruling 17th and R. I don’t think I can go back tot he noraml life. I don’t know what ot do with myself. I think I"ll be single and without a boyfriend, but  simultaneously with lots of boyfriends, gay boyfriends. Sing it:  Gay boyfriend, Gay Boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!

The longest day of the year has come and gone. I have changed my mind about everything. I am going to go Morrissey and give up sex. I’m going to go to Tammy Faye and give up the drugs. I’m going to go… hmm… is there anyone on this earth that doesn’t have a drinking problem? I’m going to go all Muslim and never drink booze again… "booze sweetie?" -Edina.

Sex is boring. Even masturbation has lost its fun. Raise your hand (not the one in use) if you’re sick of playing with yourself. Alcohol is a fool’s bandaid over the gushing wounds of emotional problems. All of this is a waste of time and money.

I vow to be good. I vow to be a hermit. I vow to spend as much time indoors in my apartment as possible. I vow to throw out all bullshit and clutter in my apartment and life! I vow to delete all the names of all the boys in my cell phone that I can’t recognize unless there’s a picture attached to it… I will give more meaning to my life if I give less of it away to random people!

I love all my friends and to those i have yet to meet–sorry! Can’t touch this.

Okay. I’m a little bit tipsy right now but I’m thinking to myself, "what is wrong with sex, drugs and alcohol?"

sex= you feel pleasure, you connect with someone on a level that is deeper than any other, you enjoy the moment and you get some exercise in the process!

drugs= depending upon the drug, you’ll probably feel happy and/or have energy to do things that you can’t normally do in a day.

alcohol=you relax a bit and if you drink too much, you go to sleep.

So I don’t see any problems here with sex, drugs and alcohol… do you?

;))0

Just came back from Minneapolis tonight. Boy am I tired. I read this article in the USA today financial section about how this guy was fired because of the things he said about his employer in his blog. What ever happened to Freedom of Speech? Why can’t they handle the truth? So what if it’s announced in a public space where thousands of people can read it? I don’t know man, what if we were told that we couldn’t have our friendster profiles because it had our affiliations and it wasn’t in line with the principles of our workplaces? Do we remove all aspects of our personal lives on the web if we mention our workplace?

Who wants to join the DC Radical Faeries with me? They meet every Monday. My first experience with the DC Radical Faeries (queer pagans/wiccans) was on my birthday last year. I was walking through the streets of DC and a group of them were walking around with a may pole and beautiful streams of ribbons. I told them it was my birthday (as it was May 1st) and they surrounded me and broke out in song. It was a birthday song and they told me I was special because it’s the day of Beltane, Lá Bealtaine, the first day of Summer in modern Ireland was celebrated by the Celts, and is now also celebrated by Neopagans and Wiccans (thanks to Wikepedia for that bit of knowledge that I completely plagiarized).

So it’s in my stars to be spiritual!

So okay, back to the DC Radical Faeries… I ran into their booth at the pride festival today and had the best Tarot reading of my LIFE. The guy was so great. Everybody at the booth was great. I had my aura fluffed too–it tickled a bit. So anyway, not this Monday cos I’m out of town until Thursday for work, but next Monday… who’s in?

Come with me! 

First of all, I have pink eye. Cry me a pink river.

Okay now that that’s out of the way, HOLLYWOOD SUCKS. We all know that there’s a total double standard when it comes to image and body size between women and men–to all women’s detriment. Yada yada, we all know that the media, including hollywood, tv, magz, music promote a dog-eat-dog competitiveness that results in women striving for the most anorexic bodies in the survival of the hottest.

Sometimes I forget about this bull shit, but today in my pink eye misery, I’m watching the MTV movie awards pre-show. Nicole Ritchie and Fat Joe are the two celeb pre-show hosts. Now what world do we live in where the girl has to get a drug addiction and use coke to lose the 5 pounds of fat on her body that once separated her from the "skull and bones" anorexic-hollywood-leading-lady elite society; and the guy weighs 200 pounds above the dangerously-obese weight level and who probably has 4 heart attacks a day. The two of them together epitomize the double standard among gender body ideals.

Another couple on the red carpet: Darryl Hannah and Quentin Tarentino. A long legged beautiful thin blond who is struggling to look young next to a balding ugly dog of a man who once commented on how accurate and "good" a rape scene in another movie seemed.

I guess you could say that talent separates the two aforementioned couples, but oi vey, I’m sick of this anorexic thin double standard shit. Men can be old, fat, thin, young, beautiful, ugly, bald, as long as they’re funny or have personality/talent (and sometimes they aren’t even funny or have no personality: Horatio Sanz) and women can be talented, funny, with lots of personality but if they’re not beautiful or thin  will be ostracized or be relegated to peripheral roles;

ie: not thin and harassed: Rosie O’Donnell, Rosanne Barr, Star Jones. Then the not beautiful and therefore relegated to peripheral characters: Toni Collette; Thora Birch–looked what happened to her versus leading blond co-stars Scarlet Johannson and Mira Sorvino; Jeannine Garafallo–everyone loves to hate her and she has reduced size to fit in with size zero cohorts, but perhaps this has to do with her lefty politics.

I’m I over-simplifying to reinforce my anger about hollywood body image and the double standards of women and men’s body ideals?

I’ve uploaded the max number of photos, so check out these links to pics of the double standard (movie couples and real-life couples):

Thora Birch is non-conventionally beautiful so she gets shacked up with a really ugly and anti-social Steve Buscemi (of course I loved this movie and it was a close translation to the very hilarious comic, so perhaps this isn’t exemplary of the double standards… but speaking of translations…

Lost in Translation - old rich man meets beautiful young do-nothing girl. gross. Even the female director is beautiful and thin… although if she was fat, would she have a chance? even as Coppola’s daughter? women only make up 5% of all directors. I’m mixing up my isms…

Is she kissing her grandpa? Katherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas

Another gramps and girl combo

Talentless with no more weight to lose…

I knew there was a reason I stuck to CSPAN, Headline News and TLC… this shit sucks.

I’m SOOOO tired. I just got back tonight after a nice vacation in Orlando. So much has happened and I’m just too tired to share. Suffice ‘to say, I’m wiped out. I think I’m getting a cold and my arms and chest are burned a nice red. I had the most amazing dinners, the most fabulously gay nights out, and spent time with porn stars and drag queens (Ima and Anita Twat, the Twat Sisters, were fabulous). I will write more later, but you’ll just have to do with the new photo album for now!

I’ll be away from my computer until Wednesday, June 8th! At which point I’ll be going nuts trying to catch up for work. I’m taking a brief break from the blog and emails. I’m unplugging the computer and lathering on sunscreen lotion instead of writing to you about the trivialities that make my life fun!

I have one last thing to say: I don’t know what that old man says, *I* am "deep throat" … okay alright. i wasn’t even born when Nixon resigned, but I really wanted to say that to get a chuckle out of you perverts…